i just reread my previous post. it was truly uplifting. i guess there are just certain times when you feel that all is lost and it takes that much to lift you out of your despondent state. Everything that dawns on me happens for a purpose and plan. God's plan. I continually remind myself that this is true and life seems to be more pleasant when i adopt this notion. Anyone can be happy. They just have to allow it. I cannot accept it when someone revisits the past all the time and blames and rebukes me for something i have done years ago. i was a young teenager, impressionable, typical, whatever. everyone knows a child can't think right. true. stop it. i guess that is what they deem ' living in the past'- blaming you for every single mistake that has long been eradicated from your memory, telling you to learn, to learn, to learn. it does not help when the corrector thinks that it is beneficial to the person concerning this matter.

ignore?

the next paper is coming up soon. i will be glad when this is all over.
i wish my foolish pride would go away.
is it that hard to let go?
i have already fallen deep into this trap years ago.

i wish i were a young and adorable little girl. i would do all the stupid and frivolous things and everyone would love me and take it as it is. too bad i am not. not anymore.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALLISTER! :D

Yes, lis, this is for you. Haha i am sorry I gave you that gay girl name.
I enjoyed learning with you during our 'study' sessions in the cafe those times.
it was great talking to you on the phone and laughing about ridiculous things.
you are a nice bro! ( i think) sorry i can't send you birthday greetings because your phone is not in a working condition. (:
-i will tell him to read this.

As the end of this year draws near, i cannot help but reflect about the past year. everyone has aged by a year, transformed, gone through much more in life, seen a lot more and experienced memorable stages of life.

i wasted away most of my time. it is only recently that i really started working hard for my upcoming papers. i feel the urge to do well. i think i have changed a lot. i did not use to care about anyone else and their existence apart from myself and perhaps a few exceptions.

God has a purpose and plan for everything. He continually moulds me, rids the imperfections, the flaws, everything that is not pleasing to him. We cannot deny that there is a God, a living God. he is not an inanimate object. He is our ethereal Father, our sovereign king.

Ask yourself. Who made the world? Who made us?

Did we just appear out of nowhere and have a life of our own?

No.

He created us, and Man fell. Man continually lives in iniquity, and the world is sin-ridden. People dying, throat-slashing, poverty, backstabbing, whatever it is, it is of the world.

But, God is here to save us. God is immaculate. He cannot tolerate sin. Jesus died for us, and he rose . If we believe that He died for us, we have a place in heaven. It is that simple. You cannot deny that there is a God. It is blatant.

I have this friend who recently told me about her new-found faith in Christ. She used to be an atheist but has thus abandoned her old beliefs. It is truly remarkable because her current belief opposes her initial stand. I am really glad.
-
Graduation was great. I will miss my classmates. It was then when we finally took off the masks and revealed a little of our true selves. Sadly but true, people start to appreciate another when we have to part with each other.

i've got to study real hard and ace the test!
i must constantly motivate myself to give my all.
it's my future.
everything else can wait after the final examination.
that is all in my head right now. that has totally got to sink in.
sink in, stay there.
i will attain all that i want after it.

studied in the morning, then swam with cheryl and ling yu. ling yu left early so she didn't take pictures with us. it was awesomeness. the lifeguard thinking that i was gonna drown when i was holding onto the wall at the 1.8m mark, (lol, i can swim okay! he told me to swim at the tiny shallow area at the sides of the pool.) jumping into shallow waters thinking that it was deep enough(children's pool), having a great time in the freezing waters of the shallow indoor pool, jacuzzi-like things and cheryl teaching me to float in the deep pool! haha. it was simply marvellous. all the things we do to relax before we start studying really hard for the final exam. at her place now. the self-timed shots as follows:

cool slides! haha they are anti-butts. (sounds weird, nevermind. )


haha okay the apprehensive children just ambled across. coolx. a goggle covers half my body. i am so tiny. nawtx.



heh look at us girls.



i like the purple slide.


we were waiting for the water to fall from above. lol. there's a huge pail that is not captured on this picture.



kid's playground.



AWESOMENESS! :D



we are happy children.



haha i am in a state of bliss. i shall study smart tomorrow.

cont.

rollerblading at night!

















i jumped in from the first level. lol












i was trying to show off my blade, not my legs.



goodnight.

THE PRELIMS are finally over. I can throw aside the books for a few days. (:
surprising, how things come to my mind when i am off the com and when i get to use it, i can't think of much to say.

God works wonders. everything falls into place according to his purpose and plan.
I have to be a better girl, and i am still growing. i can't revert to what i was before, though i admit the fact that i am not a very pleasant person at times.

you can't really trust anyone wholly. you've got to give without expecting returns.
we've got to rely on God rather than man. How everything falls into place like a picture perfect puzzle simply amazes me. it is just so unfathomable, as though we were acting out roles of an impeccable script.

michael phelps is so cool. haha i wanna emulate him.

A1 FOR CHINESE O LEVEL, distinction for CHINESE ORAL.
my first chinese A1! haha. i'm like tracing my roots to china.
i am pleased. (: i shall live in bliss for one day.
two whole weeks of i-adore-chinese attitude, a three hundred plus or four you jin chim book plus a half read book,
and awfully incomprehensible newspapers,
reading dictionary and half done papers.
yay :D

i feel faint. i am not well. i sincerely hope that i will recover before prelims.
i hate disappointment. everything.
i must combat on, and i'll grow.
i still care about my friends, true ones.
i'll have to be true myself.
i love my family.
i must endeavor to love everybody.

Lord, sustain me.

what is this hypocrisy all about?

speaking ill of people behind their backs, putting up a false front.
if you do not like it, say it face to face! the thing is, people do not do so for fear of the consequences and as time goes by, it accumulates and one day, the volcano erupts and everyone is victimised. result? we are all hurt by the lava and as it solidifies, so does our hearts.

what an analogy.

it hurts sometimes, but as time goes by, you are actually immune to it.
you realise that you can no longer entirely trust a person. you have to give some, but withhold everything else. do not give your all, because no one else does. it is that difficult to place your faith on someone. that is why this world is full of sin.

there are people that you can rely on, but you cannot place your all on that person, for that person has his or her own troubles and sooner or later, things will turn ugly if you are to dependent on the person. learn to think before you speak.

happy resolution. things will turn out perfectly fine, because I give in.
say sorry, and unhappy things will come to an end!
put aside your pride.
forgive, and eventually forget!
we are all people living in bliss.
remember, ignorance is bliss?
(supposedly smiling. )

prelims in less than 20 days. work harder, yiling.

Many occasions, I wonder if it is all worth it. The endeavours made at trying to comprehend someone, being patient even though they flare up at you for no particular reason even though you have given so much more. I know that if I were not to bother to, they would do the analogous. Therefore, I try means and ways to behave in an appropriate manner. Do you call this pretentious, hypocrisy, or merely being humble and lowering yourself so that peace is maintained? Both sides must be willing.

I express my heartfelt thanks to the people who have made an effort to speak to me, be it face to face or on the phone. Only love and concern for a fellow friend would urge them to do so. When one has given up hope on you, such thoughtful gestures are not evident.

How i marvel at this discovery. I care. Only, do you know that no one is perfect?

For that point, no, I am not attempting to sound mature. I am merely expressing how I feel. Does everyone not know the fact that hiding the truth only leads to sinking deeper into this trap? How do you escape if you wish not to face it? I just say the truth and how I really feel, because I care.

I really detest people who abhors someone without knowing that person. When someone tells me that, it only leads me into regarding that person with disdain, escpecially like-minded brethren who feel that way. No, I am not perfect, and I cannot help but being in this state.

On a lighter note, talking to someone and clearing the air really is the ultimate solution, whether or not you touch on that subject, but merely conversing with each other as though the relationship were a fresh sheet of paper. No prejudice. It will be very obvious.

lesson learnt.

i haven't been online in eons!
anyway, i have to study really hard for the final examination.
prelims are up in 26 days, last count.
anyway, things that do not concern my studies will have to be put aside.
that includes shoots, ): (very sadly, but maybe a little if it comes my way) obssesive exercising and others,
TILL the end of my FINAL EXAMS.

i have no outside life now.

however nasty things will be fine if you just commit it to prayer. i really find it frustrating when people keep rambling about how life sucks. i really wish they could see the light, the positive side in life and be glad for once.

sometimes, i know it is much more comforting to know that you are depressed and people care for you but when you get out of that 'comfort' zone, you will begin to view life very differently. everyone wants somebody to care, which results in their actions. notice how your life does not revolve around you but around somebody else, everybody else?

everyone wants attention, which results in action, and actions have consequences. we have to think before we act. i get turned off by people who do not think before they speak, really. everyone does. complete TURN-off.

i wanna fly to vancouver!

i do want things to turn out fine. sorry if i've caused you to misunderstand or anyone to, really. we must live in harmony! friends? (:
this may apply to many cases.

where is the happy ending that we all seek in every aspect of our life? it takes two hands to clap.

when the time comes, the times comes, and it definitely is not now.

focus, yiling.
i sound like i'm speaking to myself as a third person.




anyway, there have been immature people sending me messages that indicate sexual desires and i am totally disgusted and appalled. how revolting that can be. get a life. Capital L-osers. 0:

i pity you.
not.

i must forgive ignorant child-like teenagers,
especially if they read my blog,
and they shall stop.
thank you.
go and study.