i guess certain things just do not lie in our hands, because everything comes and goes, and we just stretch out our hands and accept everything the way it is, without lifting a finger to make a change in this monotonous life that we have to deal with every single repetitive day.

I notice my emotions constantly embarks on this insane roller coaster ride, fluctuating from pure bliss to feeling almost deranged, and i am rather perturbed by this fact. This seemingly never ending journey has culminated in saddening hostility.

Forget it. Countless times, I do not comprehend what I wish to bring across to myself. I am this awfully sad girl, and then this cheerful little thing.

I recall my friend saying "Action speaks louder than words". This is a very common phrase. It is applicable to all circumstances. Simple enough, yet deep. Too much to handle, sometimes.

I think my actions are misleading, because they do not depict how I really feel inside. I may engage this unfeeling, cold front in an attempt of being defensive but the truth is, it hurts so bad I do not know how to face it. I merely ignore it all and act like everything is just a spotless piece of paper and nothing has happened.

I am proud of this friend A, who has confronted his own feelings and faced it with my assistance. (: Go pal! There's no one to help me though, only I can help myself.

Would you help yourself, too? Do you think hiding is the best solution to surmount this desolation? I can see it all, from one's windows to the world- your eyes. You can lie to yourself, but I can still see the gloominess and devastation that you are trying to shield from everyone you love. You have lost hope, faith, and love because of this setback. It pains me, a lot, but I do not show it.

I know we are afraid. You're not the only one.

If the one who cares ever reads this, it either shows that you have a certain degree of interest in my life, you hate me, you love me, or that you merely care. right? interesting.

going for church camp on wednesday till saturday.
at least i get to go.