Hello, I shall compose a story now, since I am home rather early and the rest of the school is probably having PTM soon. I am really happy! Ran 5.5 km today in the gym. Well, I do know that it is indeed a lot easier in the gym, and I would love running in the outdoors too but enduring the sun during school hours is simply unbearable. Haha! Shall run outdoors when I am free on weekends.
Alright, I shall tell you about my fitness level which you probably are unconcerned about.
Oh yeah, I found out my position for Cross Country and I actually got 12th! I was extremely disappointed because on that day, I did not make it into the Top Ten even though I knew I was faster than the J1s who got into it, hence the great disappointment. Haha, Evelyn got 11th and we are the sad ones who did not get any medal nor recognition! ): Wouldn't even have known if I did not ask the teacher. Well, I have trained insanely after that and I am sure I am much faster now. (:
Now for my story. I was thinking that perhaps I should write from a male's point of view. Pretty sure that that story would sound as though it were composed by effeminate male though. I wonder. Often times, I would have a story in my head at odd timings when I am far away from the computer, and when I actually sit in front of the screen, I decide not to post it. Rationality.
Ta-da.
"Pen and Paper"
Before I forget the events that transpired, I shall quickly note them down. I feel as though my memories would slip away before I can jot them down. No, no. It cannot happen. I don't want to lose it, it must stay close. I think that if I write it down, perhaps I can have some rein over my emotions. Maybe, but then again, how can emotions be real? It is all chemicals. I learnt it from the textbook, and then my teacher told me there is no such thing as love, just chemical reactions.
What do I believe? I went out just now. No, I believe. I believe it is I who controls everything I believe in. Yes, if I tell myself I will get that, so I will. Yes, yes. Quickly now. I remember that day. It was a strange day. Odd, but not yet strange, because it was just different. I would not have seen you on normal days. No, yes, but no, things like that can be created. Then again, who creates it? You, or I? Do I really want that? I made myself feel that way. I just wanted to. Perhaps subconsciously, (or is it really the conscious mind?) I did not want it. There must have been an action which turned it away. Is that? No, I am not penning it down. It is too dangerous. It is evidence, that I have felt this way before. No, I cannot have that. I need control. No evidence shall bring me away from my aims.
I stopped writing. I just bought a lighter just now. Somehow I went out to buy a shirt, but could not find it and I saw a lighter. I bought it, and it will come in handy now. Slowly, I took the lighter out and pressed it. Sparks. Yes, burn the evidence. Let it burn, let it be consumed. I saw how the flames engulfed the side, and then it stopped. Why? Is that a sign to tell me evidence can NEVER be removed? What the heck. No, It must burn. I'll take the pen and cancell it so it'll be hidden. Wait, did that happen in the past or am I cancelling my words now? I do not know. I merely remember something, something about the ligher. Oh no, what's happening. I must find that paper. I must cancel it off, I must burn it. No, no, where is it?
--------------------------
Haha, that is example of mad writing.
Okay, have fun! :D
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
I shall dedicate this post to the world of fitness and health.
Fitness, health and the idea of losing weight is all about 4 main pillars.
They are, according to my source, "Strength, Cardio, Nutrition and Mental".
I shall speak on mental strength. It is extremely important to know that this diet of lifestyle that you are going to embark on is one that you can sustain for a lifetime. If you are to do this for let us say 90 days, on the 91th day, you will start stuffing yourself and gaining back all the weight loss.
Now, what is the most ideal way?
That is to exercise and to eat in discrete amounts. Do not ever stop yourself from getting your cravings. For example, if you yearn for cheesecake like I usually do, do allow yourself to eat it! Just go running later or cut down on some rice to allow some space for indulging yourself in these deemed unhealthy foods.
Haha, I am kinda obsessed about health and fitness now, explaining the post.
I have been successful and I have lost more than 4kg already!
Start being healthy today!
The benefits of exercising are that you will become an extremely disciplined person, have better stamina, have good complexion, attain greater attention span and focus.
I will do the guy pull-ups. Must train. Hahahahahhaa.
Fitness, health and the idea of losing weight is all about 4 main pillars.
They are, according to my source, "Strength, Cardio, Nutrition and Mental".
I shall speak on mental strength. It is extremely important to know that this diet of lifestyle that you are going to embark on is one that you can sustain for a lifetime. If you are to do this for let us say 90 days, on the 91th day, you will start stuffing yourself and gaining back all the weight loss.
Now, what is the most ideal way?
That is to exercise and to eat in discrete amounts. Do not ever stop yourself from getting your cravings. For example, if you yearn for cheesecake like I usually do, do allow yourself to eat it! Just go running later or cut down on some rice to allow some space for indulging yourself in these deemed unhealthy foods.
Haha, I am kinda obsessed about health and fitness now, explaining the post.
I have been successful and I have lost more than 4kg already!
Start being healthy today!
The benefits of exercising are that you will become an extremely disciplined person, have better stamina, have good complexion, attain greater attention span and focus.
I will do the guy pull-ups. Must train. Hahahahahhaa.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
(I am happy! :D Yes I am. Haha, I feel so good after writing that post.
I have this urge to delete that negativity but I guess lashing it out is good. Yay! :D)
I really dislike how certain men like to control women.
Where is the equality? No, I know what you are gonna tell me.
Religion has dictated that women are of lesser importance.
Moreover, the average men possesses considerable strength that is far greater that any average female being. They can scare you, use their fists, beat you, harm you and you HAVE TO SUBMIT. Not unless you arm yourself or train, but you're still weak.
Oh and then this character keeps calling us and finding out where we are. It makes me want to leave more, you know? (: You need to create respect. It is really sad.
And then it comes the time where I typically become positive.
Yeah, I really hope he learns.
And then usually I write angry stuff and delete it all and make it sound positive by refuting all the anger by saying they care, yes they do! No, I am not doing that today.
By the way, I am merely saying whatever I want. I am not crafting a GP argument.
However, I feel that we HAVE RIGHTS.
What gives a male the advantage to deem females as objects?
They use patronizing words like "hot", and "babe" and they treat them like trophy girlfriends.
And then there is this idea that we should submit.
When we marry, we shall stay at home and we shall be the housecleaner.
And then that man says, "you are supposed to look after the house" in that condescending manner and then he is the one that wastes his life away. I can't stand you.
That is the notion that is entrenched in the patriarchal society, I tell you.
No, I am living in the modern day society, my dear.
Actually, no matter what, females still submit.
You know why? They want to be accepted. They do not want to be spinsters.
Social mores.
And yes, a buddy in bed.
It is so sad, cuz we're all like that. We don't wanna be alone.
What is this world coming to?
LOL.
It is so sad, it is so sad.
But I am happy. I just like writing when I feel annoyed.
The anger just flows through and the writing seems so vibrant. Hah.
I control my emotions. (:
Gee, my partner will not be like that. We will be equal.
I have this urge to delete that negativity but I guess lashing it out is good. Yay! :D)
I really dislike how certain men like to control women.
Where is the equality? No, I know what you are gonna tell me.
Religion has dictated that women are of lesser importance.
Moreover, the average men possesses considerable strength that is far greater that any average female being. They can scare you, use their fists, beat you, harm you and you HAVE TO SUBMIT. Not unless you arm yourself or train, but you're still weak.
Oh and then this character keeps calling us and finding out where we are. It makes me want to leave more, you know? (: You need to create respect. It is really sad.
And then it comes the time where I typically become positive.
Yeah, I really hope he learns.
And then usually I write angry stuff and delete it all and make it sound positive by refuting all the anger by saying they care, yes they do! No, I am not doing that today.
By the way, I am merely saying whatever I want. I am not crafting a GP argument.
However, I feel that we HAVE RIGHTS.
What gives a male the advantage to deem females as objects?
They use patronizing words like "hot", and "babe" and they treat them like trophy girlfriends.
And then there is this idea that we should submit.
When we marry, we shall stay at home and we shall be the housecleaner.
And then that man says, "you are supposed to look after the house" in that condescending manner and then he is the one that wastes his life away. I can't stand you.
That is the notion that is entrenched in the patriarchal society, I tell you.
No, I am living in the modern day society, my dear.
Actually, no matter what, females still submit.
You know why? They want to be accepted. They do not want to be spinsters.
Social mores.
And yes, a buddy in bed.
It is so sad, cuz we're all like that. We don't wanna be alone.
What is this world coming to?
LOL.
It is so sad, it is so sad.
But I am happy. I just like writing when I feel annoyed.
The anger just flows through and the writing seems so vibrant. Hah.
I control my emotions. (:
Gee, my partner will not be like that. We will be equal.
Monday, June 14, 2010
I should do the right things.
The message on Saturday was truly God-sent. I listened, and let go.
Often times we do things that are not right, just to prove a point or to make someone affected.
Thanks Qi for telling me to do the correct things too.
They are all in Malaysia right now for the Bible Conference.
I should be going off to study too.
"Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds thy hands have made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout, the universe displayed."
The song is playing in my head right now.
I gotta study soon! Woke up late and have not studied yet.
Shall have an intimate relationship with Econ soon.
Let go off all the unnecessary things that will impede my progress.
Happy!
And History, my neglected darling, I shall come to you soon. Hahaha.
The message on Saturday was truly God-sent. I listened, and let go.
Often times we do things that are not right, just to prove a point or to make someone affected.
Thanks Qi for telling me to do the correct things too.
They are all in Malaysia right now for the Bible Conference.
I should be going off to study too.
"Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds thy hands have made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout, the universe displayed."
The song is playing in my head right now.
I gotta study soon! Woke up late and have not studied yet.
Shall have an intimate relationship with Econ soon.
Let go off all the unnecessary things that will impede my progress.
Happy!
And History, my neglected darling, I shall come to you soon. Hahaha.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Purefancy.
What is purefancy.
Haha, was not feeling pretty happy and have been moody for a while.
I control my emotions! Smile. (:
Must be positive like I always am! I do not like the feeling I experience when I get irritated or angry easily because I usually do not feel that way unless I am experiencing bad mood swings.
It's okay, it'll be over by tomorrow. (:
The play yesterday was really great and Interact farewell was memorable.
I will miss the great moments.
I feel like I am not myself most of the time.
Gotta stop that, and be happy. (:
Strive on!
Must fully utilise the holidays.
Time for a poem to fill up the time I have to wait from now till the time the pictures from yesterday's farewell gets uploaded.
Only experience pleasant emotions.
That is all to satisfaction. Haha.
Oh no, the upload failed.
Okay I am going off.
What is purefancy.
Haha, was not feeling pretty happy and have been moody for a while.
I control my emotions! Smile. (:
Must be positive like I always am! I do not like the feeling I experience when I get irritated or angry easily because I usually do not feel that way unless I am experiencing bad mood swings.
It's okay, it'll be over by tomorrow. (:
The play yesterday was really great and Interact farewell was memorable.
I will miss the great moments.
I feel like I am not myself most of the time.
Gotta stop that, and be happy. (:
Strive on!
Must fully utilise the holidays.
Time for a poem to fill up the time I have to wait from now till the time the pictures from yesterday's farewell gets uploaded.
Only experience pleasant emotions.
That is all to satisfaction. Haha.
Oh no, the upload failed.
Okay I am going off.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
"Like how you always cared"
You glare at it each time you pass,
Like you do not care,
And perpetually speak about its evil deeds at lunchtime,
Like it is worthless in your life.
Your anger engulfs you, it has corrupted your vision.
Anger is an armor you put on, a weapon you wield,
And you strike it down so cruelly without a chance,
Like you do not care,
Like how you always cared.
-------------------------------
Haha, another poem up!
I am gonna live more healthily from now on. Just ran 10.15km in 2 days. I feel pretty motivated now to do this on a weekly basis.
I felt that the civics elective program was actually extremely helpful in reinforcing the fact thta we have to believe in ourselves. No matter how people call me delusional, as some friends do (haha, jokingly and when they mean it), and I know that they have good intentions, but we still have to be positive and have dreams. I keep reminding myself that I will be able to do well, and achieve my dream and pursue the career I want that was prevented from taking off due to higher intervention and my age, and the opportunity was gone, but there is a time and purpose for everything. After the A's, that is. (:
I must believe that I'll get a better opportunity.
To those who have been belittled or doubted, the first step to success is actually believing that something is possible! Believe in yourself, and ignore the people who tell you you cannot succeed, for even if you can't be the best, you'll be somewhere near, and know that you have tried.
Yeah, today my friend told me that I ignore all the bad comments, and I am thankful that my friend mentioned this. In life, one cannot expect everyone to feel the same way about something, and the thing is, everyone has different opinions. I guess life is subjective, and we cannot please everyone, and hence, sometimes in life we just have to do what we feel will benefit us, and not aim to please everyone else, for you'll end up losing fuel and eventually burning out.
Believe in yourself!
You glare at it each time you pass,
Like you do not care,
And perpetually speak about its evil deeds at lunchtime,
Like it is worthless in your life.
Your anger engulfs you, it has corrupted your vision.
Anger is an armor you put on, a weapon you wield,
And you strike it down so cruelly without a chance,
Like you do not care,
Like how you always cared.
-------------------------------
Haha, another poem up!
I am gonna live more healthily from now on. Just ran 10.15km in 2 days. I feel pretty motivated now to do this on a weekly basis.
I felt that the civics elective program was actually extremely helpful in reinforcing the fact thta we have to believe in ourselves. No matter how people call me delusional, as some friends do (haha, jokingly and when they mean it), and I know that they have good intentions, but we still have to be positive and have dreams. I keep reminding myself that I will be able to do well, and achieve my dream and pursue the career I want that was prevented from taking off due to higher intervention and my age, and the opportunity was gone, but there is a time and purpose for everything. After the A's, that is. (:
I must believe that I'll get a better opportunity.
To those who have been belittled or doubted, the first step to success is actually believing that something is possible! Believe in yourself, and ignore the people who tell you you cannot succeed, for even if you can't be the best, you'll be somewhere near, and know that you have tried.
Yeah, today my friend told me that I ignore all the bad comments, and I am thankful that my friend mentioned this. In life, one cannot expect everyone to feel the same way about something, and the thing is, everyone has different opinions. I guess life is subjective, and we cannot please everyone, and hence, sometimes in life we just have to do what we feel will benefit us, and not aim to please everyone else, for you'll end up losing fuel and eventually burning out.
Believe in yourself!
Monday, April 12, 2010
This post is not very nice. Well, I have to let it out anyway.
I don't wanna become insane.
I changed all the words after I wrote it all down.
I really hope you cease to exist now. I have forgiven you too many times. You are really unbelievable.
You know, my posts were all cheery and forgiving, optimistic and loving, but not this one.
Enough with words that blasts your violent nature (i.e. threatening words) and scolding her with words like why we aren't doing this and that for you and controlling others. Enough of the abuse and psychological damage. I don't even feel anything for you, except dislike sometimes, which is bad, because it shows that you affect my life.
Darn! I need to master the art of the lack of emotion!
Haha, yeah but after a while I usually get used to it and start being nice again.
I need to feel nothing for you.
Okay, occasional concern when you're nice.
You're insane and I really dislike returning to whatever place you're in.
I always forget, and then when something happens, I remember why I avoided being around in the first place. Is that selective memory, that I always forget what happens, only the joyous things?
You deserve to be alone, with none of us. You verbally abuse us whenever we're just sitting around and make out your pathetic deeds to be so great. LOL.
Haha, but now when I edit this after my anger has subsided, I see less suffering.
And you made him a miniature version of you.
LOL.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
I have forgiven you too much,
yet I am so forgiving.
I forget it after a while.
You know why? All because it makes me happy and live without a care.
Good that it only affects me momentarily,
but it has affected her too much.
I need to help her.
Okay I'm off to study. (:
I love econs.
I AM HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.
YAY.
Darn, I need privacy.
Haha, so anyway, I didn't get to re-do my NAFPA because that would mean that I'd have to retake 2.4km. Hence, I shall stick with the almost perfect score. Haha. (:
Well, at least other people will achieve it for me.
Actually, after writing all that anger down, I am very tempted to delete it all away because it is evidence that I was upset once. I do not like negativity, but we do need to let it manifest itself in words, don't we? We need someone to read it, to make it become real, so that someone can understand the plight we're in. I know other people go through this too, perhaps even worse fates.
Well, I'm off to study soon!
I don't wanna become insane.
I changed all the words after I wrote it all down.
I really hope you cease to exist now. I have forgiven you too many times. You are really unbelievable.
You know, my posts were all cheery and forgiving, optimistic and loving, but not this one.
Enough with words that blasts your violent nature (i.e. threatening words) and scolding her with words like why we aren't doing this and that for you and controlling others. Enough of the abuse and psychological damage. I don't even feel anything for you, except dislike sometimes, which is bad, because it shows that you affect my life.
Darn! I need to master the art of the lack of emotion!
Haha, yeah but after a while I usually get used to it and start being nice again.
I need to feel nothing for you.
Okay, occasional concern when you're nice.
You're insane and I really dislike returning to whatever place you're in.
I always forget, and then when something happens, I remember why I avoided being around in the first place. Is that selective memory, that I always forget what happens, only the joyous things?
You deserve to be alone, with none of us. You verbally abuse us whenever we're just sitting around and make out your pathetic deeds to be so great. LOL.
Haha, but now when I edit this after my anger has subsided, I see less suffering.
And you made him a miniature version of you.
LOL.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
I have forgiven you too much,
yet I am so forgiving.
I forget it after a while.
You know why? All because it makes me happy and live without a care.
Good that it only affects me momentarily,
but it has affected her too much.
I need to help her.
Okay I'm off to study. (:
I love econs.
I AM HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.
YAY.
Darn, I need privacy.
Haha, so anyway, I didn't get to re-do my NAFPA because that would mean that I'd have to retake 2.4km. Hence, I shall stick with the almost perfect score. Haha. (:
Well, at least other people will achieve it for me.
Actually, after writing all that anger down, I am very tempted to delete it all away because it is evidence that I was upset once. I do not like negativity, but we do need to let it manifest itself in words, don't we? We need someone to read it, to make it become real, so that someone can understand the plight we're in. I know other people go through this too, perhaps even worse fates.
Well, I'm off to study soon!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
What is the extent of harm you will inflict upon the one you supposedly love?
Would you go through his personal things, attain information you want about him through despicable means, or haunt him online by undertaking some anonymous role?
I find all that really infuriating, and I feel that the actions you're adopting on him, my friend, is not very wise, and I wish I had control for myself too. Yet control is elusive, and freedom is not near at the moment. Is choice the only reason for success? Does choice equate to happiness? Perhaps the elimination of choice serves as a mode of stability, and it abolishes all need to blame and all reason to care. It keeps us in a comfort zone.
Yet I am happy everyday, or as much as I attempt to be. To be in this mode serves as a comfort zone, and it protects and it nourishes, and it assists you in going on this road of life.
Happy, all because I am in control and those stupid, DAMNED negative people can just screw off. Seriously.
Is there romantic love? I see no love but lust, and it will remain that way. People own and people have control, and they lose the attraction they once had and there is no love but just familiarity. Humans tend to prefer something known to them, and something they can rely on. Does that mean we're not open to choices?
Is this my way of comfort?
I would like to have the whole world, but would the whole world accept change? What is change. Change is something out of the blue, unexpected, unlikable, undesirable, unwanted. Unwanted.
People do not like different things.
Closed society,
yet we learn to adapt.
And we're safe.
And we're all happy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Haha okay, watched some motivational thing again.
YES.
I changed my mind. I believe in the law of attraction, again.
I get the things I believe. (:
Yes.
POSITIVE. POSITIVE.
IGNORE.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Haha okay enough of the serious talk.
I wanna do those guy pull-ups man.
I wanna be stronger.
I can go up halfway already.
I will protect myself.
Too many choice, and too many things to believe in.
Security is essential for success,
and only I determine success.
Do not let anyone in. (:
Would you go through his personal things, attain information you want about him through despicable means, or haunt him online by undertaking some anonymous role?
I find all that really infuriating, and I feel that the actions you're adopting on him, my friend, is not very wise, and I wish I had control for myself too. Yet control is elusive, and freedom is not near at the moment. Is choice the only reason for success? Does choice equate to happiness? Perhaps the elimination of choice serves as a mode of stability, and it abolishes all need to blame and all reason to care. It keeps us in a comfort zone.
Yet I am happy everyday, or as much as I attempt to be. To be in this mode serves as a comfort zone, and it protects and it nourishes, and it assists you in going on this road of life.
Happy, all because I am in control and those stupid, DAMNED negative people can just screw off. Seriously.
Is there romantic love? I see no love but lust, and it will remain that way. People own and people have control, and they lose the attraction they once had and there is no love but just familiarity. Humans tend to prefer something known to them, and something they can rely on. Does that mean we're not open to choices?
Is this my way of comfort?
I would like to have the whole world, but would the whole world accept change? What is change. Change is something out of the blue, unexpected, unlikable, undesirable, unwanted. Unwanted.
People do not like different things.
Closed society,
yet we learn to adapt.
And we're safe.
And we're all happy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Haha okay, watched some motivational thing again.
YES.
I changed my mind. I believe in the law of attraction, again.
I get the things I believe. (:
Yes.
POSITIVE. POSITIVE.
IGNORE.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Haha okay enough of the serious talk.
I wanna do those guy pull-ups man.
I wanna be stronger.
I can go up halfway already.
I will protect myself.
Too many choice, and too many things to believe in.
Security is essential for success,
and only I determine success.
Do not let anyone in. (:
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Shall share with you my experience for NAPFA. It may sound perhaps senseless to you
that I actually care about it a lot, but well, I like such stuff. (:
For yesterday, I obtained a fault jump for standing broad jump three times and got zero. Hence, it was a failure.
I was really so upset that I just cried a few times because I always did well for it and got A.
I just could not do it. There was a factor that contributed to that failure and it was the lack of trust in the Lord that He'll see me through any obstacle.
However, for today, I prayed and I got what I wanted. :D I just trusted Him.
Really thank the Lord! He works miracles. ((:
He always helps us in time of need.
Actually, what I wish to proclaim is that no matter what, we just have to be dependent on him and place all our trust in Him. He'll see us through.
Thanks for the encouraging words.
Haha, I'm gonna make this a personal post and ramble on about what I wish to achieve like how normal people blog.
Almost got A for inclined pull-ups though. 2 more of it. They're more strict in this school. Had 29/30 overall.
I am almost there in terms of reaching a perfect score, MY DREAM as mentioned in my previous post. It is my dream and I will achieve it!! Shall train for it.
I am going to carry more weights and I am a tough girl man. (See the irony?)
Shall retake it on Wed. :DD Hahaha.
that I actually care about it a lot, but well, I like such stuff. (:
For yesterday, I obtained a fault jump for standing broad jump three times and got zero. Hence, it was a failure.
I was really so upset that I just cried a few times because I always did well for it and got A.
I just could not do it. There was a factor that contributed to that failure and it was the lack of trust in the Lord that He'll see me through any obstacle.
However, for today, I prayed and I got what I wanted. :D I just trusted Him.
Really thank the Lord! He works miracles. ((:
He always helps us in time of need.
Actually, what I wish to proclaim is that no matter what, we just have to be dependent on him and place all our trust in Him. He'll see us through.
Thanks for the encouraging words.
Haha, I'm gonna make this a personal post and ramble on about what I wish to achieve like how normal people blog.
Almost got A for inclined pull-ups though. 2 more of it. They're more strict in this school. Had 29/30 overall.
I am almost there in terms of reaching a perfect score, MY DREAM as mentioned in my previous post. It is my dream and I will achieve it!! Shall train for it.
I am going to carry more weights and I am a tough girl man. (See the irony?)
Shall retake it on Wed. :DD Hahaha.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)