be glad, be glad, be glad, remain calm, be glad, ignore everything else, be glad.
this post sounds meaningless and it has a bleak future.

essie i miss you! <3 <3 <3 you are sooo far away in vancouver and i know you'll never read this anytime soon but thanks for everything. words can't express my heartfelt thanks. i know everyone else that has shown concern cares too but sometimes, others should judge themselves before judging others! you don't like it when people judge you with their piercing look and sinister glare, and yet you do it to others. what irony. how the world contradicts itself. everything is a mess because everyone is a mess. see how what goes around comes around?

haha. i should be glad because people are just envious of what they can't have. yes, you said that the blog is meant to be a secret but not really one, because in fact, everyone is reading it. in other words, it is just an open secret, known to the world yet sealed with your lips, especially in front of you. how everything seems to go against everything else, and the world plainly feigns ignorance. we all know it, it is blatant, yet we choose to act like we don't, because 'ignorance' is bliss, even if it is merely artificial. how ludicrous. that's why it's called a joke. it's supposed to be funny!

NOT.

i can't stand people who target you from behind when you clearly know it. such losers.
such courage, i cannot admire. suit yourselves. jealous creeps.
it is crystal clear.

i am going to study.
i am sick of people telling me how to run my life.
I am myself. I am not you.
Just because you do not like it and are against does not mean that I have to accede to your every request. Do you know me? Do you? You complain to others and you think you know it all, but you don't. you only know yourself. i am sick of everything, i swear. one more thing, and i'll scream at you and holler till you cry. annoying and immature jealous little girls.

jealousy is the root of all evil, i swear.

i know some people truly care, and i should understand that.
maybe i am not such a good person after all.

well, we'll see.

after all, this world is meant to be the way it is.

i look forward to world's end.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=947613&l=4d08e&id=730473942

i did not upload all the pictures.
uploaded quite a lot, at requests. (:
enjoy. i will improve although it's pretty stunning already for a sixteen year old. (fifteen-and-a-half)

generally, my favourites are the ones that i wore the black dress and the white top. the pictures with my hair done do not justify me. ): the black dress makes my leg look bigger too, because of the angle and puffiness.
my real favourite is the picture all the way at the bottom, which is also my profile pictures on various accounts. (:
whatever, keep your comments to yourself, unless you are praising me.
if you think you're so capable and have the qualifications to be a model, go ahead, if they would accept you, and we can exchange pointers.
i abhor non-constructive criticism.
i will work out to make my legs slimmer.
point of fact: they are muscles, not fats.
thanks.

i'm always reminded by others that the world is full of jealous people.
can't stand it. lead your lives and backkkoffff

updated

A diary is an outlet whereby people display their innermost (?) thoughts.
Surprisingly, the blog defeats the purpose a journal supposedly upholds.
The term 'online diary'- I am just debating on its supposed name.
I am not going to please the world, and I am not attempting to, so I shall speak of free will, almost without constraints.

It is certain and undeniable that there are.

Till then.

-

every blog is merely a boring piece of paper coated with candy, sweets and dumb treats to fulfill and entertain the whimsey of another ignorant being.

HAHA. :/

earliest to most recent.
ENJOY.

Qi and I (she made me do it! haha)
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=926792&l=1b1c6&id=730473942

CHURCH CAMP 2008 SWISS GARDEN RESORT (KUANTAN, MALAYSIA)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=40432&l=d607e&id=730473942

YF GROUP OUTING 16/06/2008
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=40546&l=b6285&id=730473942

get lost, stalkers!
can't you read the sign which says-
'I ABHOR YOU' ?
i am contemplating about putting a lock on this blog.
on the other hand, maybe not.
after all, the internet is free for all= no privacy.
it just annoys and disgusts me.
piss off.

heh. >: /

i welcome all important people. (:

it's really infuriating when you know that people you loathe actually bother to make their existence known and try to play a minor role in your life, reading your online diary and tracing your account that contains vague information about your ever changing lifestyle. haven't they heard of, get a life?
i swear i am damn sarcastic. haha. i could laugh to death.

i must be a nice girl.
i must be good!
i must forgive hateful passerbys.

Most of all, i miss the sand and the sea. i might have missed the first few days of camp, but i've certainly gained a lot of insight from God's word from God's messenger, got to know a lot of brethren on a better level. sometimes, firsthand experience is what really makes a difference.

i recall wandering off on my own into the crashing waves that was a distance from the shore and into the south china sea but i would always be yelled at to retreat by onlooking and concerned people. it was quite a pity i did not have the opportunity to venture off further on my own. ):

i miss jumping into the waves by myself. i miss the awakening taste of the salt in the sea. i am in a state of nostalgia. ): i am so weird.

i recall weeping due to the excruciating pain my headache caused. perhaps, that was part of the reason. i miss everything that i miss.

surprisingly, almost all i have brought back from camp is memories of the beach and sea. if i were to die in the future, i want to die afloat in the sea. just a random thought.

right at this very moment, someone is thinking of you, whether you are conscious of it or not.
do not despair, do not give up even though there is slightest hope. you might think that this world is desolate and unfeeling but look on the positive side of life and your heart will be filled with an unfamiliar but comforting warmth.

i should start learning to treasure what i already have, instead of crying over split milk. what is done cannot be undone, no matter how hard you will for it to happen.

can't wait to go for the camp. everyone's there already!

i guess certain things just do not lie in our hands, because everything comes and goes, and we just stretch out our hands and accept everything the way it is, without lifting a finger to make a change in this monotonous life that we have to deal with every single repetitive day.

I notice my emotions constantly embarks on this insane roller coaster ride, fluctuating from pure bliss to feeling almost deranged, and i am rather perturbed by this fact. This seemingly never ending journey has culminated in saddening hostility.

Forget it. Countless times, I do not comprehend what I wish to bring across to myself. I am this awfully sad girl, and then this cheerful little thing.

I recall my friend saying "Action speaks louder than words". This is a very common phrase. It is applicable to all circumstances. Simple enough, yet deep. Too much to handle, sometimes.

I think my actions are misleading, because they do not depict how I really feel inside. I may engage this unfeeling, cold front in an attempt of being defensive but the truth is, it hurts so bad I do not know how to face it. I merely ignore it all and act like everything is just a spotless piece of paper and nothing has happened.

I am proud of this friend A, who has confronted his own feelings and faced it with my assistance. (: Go pal! There's no one to help me though, only I can help myself.

Would you help yourself, too? Do you think hiding is the best solution to surmount this desolation? I can see it all, from one's windows to the world- your eyes. You can lie to yourself, but I can still see the gloominess and devastation that you are trying to shield from everyone you love. You have lost hope, faith, and love because of this setback. It pains me, a lot, but I do not show it.

I know we are afraid. You're not the only one.

If the one who cares ever reads this, it either shows that you have a certain degree of interest in my life, you hate me, you love me, or that you merely care. right? interesting.

going for church camp on wednesday till saturday.
at least i get to go.

'harold and kumar' is just plain hilarious and slightly offensive so view it with caution. watched it on the com with my dad. :D note to impressionable kids, parental guidance is advised, though.

going to watch 'chronicles of narnia' and 'indiana jones' and all the movies that have yet to be released. how i adore movie marathons. i need to adhere to my study schedule soon after. (if i make up an official one) i have a serious need to drive myself to work and i am in awe of those who can actually stick to their computer programmed list and obey every single detail. i am in need for a grand motivator! ):

i will most probably be away from next Wednesday night to Saturday(skipping the first few days of the camp) in line with the church camp. it is not confirmed yet, though. i am looking forward to a few days off the typical hectic lifestyle and spending quality time with like-minded brethen. (:

away with the judging eyes that wander off seeking imperfections, pointing out disabilities and picking out flaws that are merely subjective. why not pick on your very self since you adore living in your own world and exalting some worthless self-proclaimed appointed beauty? i swear i could almost hate you but i remind myself not to, for we have need to love everyone. at least i've tried. notice how friends come and go?

tough nuts are hard to crack but tough nuts are possibly impossible to crack. get it? haha :/ riddles. toodle doodle.

i am a happy little galx in a sad big worldx.

ridiculously ridiculous. don't mind me. read the enlightening post below.

subliminal messages in songs are rampant in the society today, and it is really terrifying that people actually do not realize this fact and they continue listening to a particular song till they get brainwashed. It is not new, and it is definitely not nonsense! i'm sure almost everyone knows or has heard of this particularly famous song. it is played backwards and foward in this website. i listened to it along with my dad twice. the link is as follows:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/stairway

(please do not repeatedly listen to it, you do not wish to become another victim)

even the original lyrics have a distinct meaning and message to it if you can actually decipher it, it is just that people do not regard it as a threat, merely as fellow a human being voicing out his opinions. what they do not know is, bit by bit, the words are engraved in their hearts, ingrained in their minds, taking over their lives. pretty terrifying, is it not? many people might actually think that we're just being fooled into believing that this backward messages are real but that is not true, and the fact remains that such events have existed since before we were born. creepy!

i'm beginning to regard my blog as an avenue for me to enhance my english and literature standard. i'm sorry if i'm starting to bore you. you can stop being a faithful reader, it's your loss anyway. x-O whatevs. everyone loves reading my ever interesting website.

xOxO

I wish i could be over-confident all the time and convince myself that I can have everything I want, everyone I want. I succeed most times, but sometimes, I start to doubt myself. I know that I must eradicate all form of self-doubt, because that is the root to failure, and that is the sole cause of failure.

Everyone says I'm too confident, but that is a front. Usually, people flock to confident and self-assured people, so being sure of yourself is really important! Love yourself, and others will learn to love you. Good, or bad? You shall decide. It is subjective, and you shall make up your mind on your own.

what hate, what love! There is so much of both in the world, usually mixed up and presented as a whole, we don't even know what is real anymore. to each and everyone, Have you ever asked yourself this very simple yet complex question- ‘what is your true self?’ Every smile, every laugh, every frown, every remark you make, you are merely defending your very self and presenting you like as you showcase your masterpiece.

Nothing is real, in that sense.

Or course, that is basic and right in every aspect of the world. You wish to portray this immaculate, perfect, attractive, appealing version of you in front of people you wish to impress. After the novelty dies off, you begin to stop caring as much. Is this not what we experience in our daily lives?

I want to care so much, but even though novelty wears off, there are the remains. I still care a lot, just so much that I can't express, along with the rest of the globe. How far can i ever go? To what extend would I go to realize my dreams? How much am I willing to sacrifice for 'love'? What is love in the first place? A mere chemical reaction.

Wow, and they all make it sound way-too-much complicated and uncomprehensive with buckets of tears and showers of blood, squeals of joy, passionate pain, exuberantly screaming as they slice themselves up and make it sound like a whimsy about a happy-ever-afterlife fairytale.

This is so amusing. I could laugh as I read my own post. It does not really sound coherent.

Perhaps.

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I finished my chinese book. I am pleased.