I have always been careful to expose particles of myself in life, for I have acquired the knowledge that exposure led to vulnerability. Of course, it is perfectly fine if you don't mind getting hurt, but that is a choice. What is the reward and what is the punishment?

Raw fish can have a good taste for some people because rawness is tenderness, and tenderness has the same meaning as love. Tender as twines and fir cones and tendrils and another note, lustful young leaders. Raw and your meaningless artworks of merriment and sore affection. Dry up like wet tissues turned cold and mouldy, and wither like raw flowers of chrysanthemum. There is still hope. Sometimes I fall into your trap as well, and I have only myself to blame. Get out, be untangled, it is only by choice.

But these are other people. I can choose my own exposure. (: we can be strong.

I want my story. I wanna throw all the paint I can. I wanna have the most colorful experience. For me.

I love the feeling I get after running! I FEEL EXTREMELY RECHARGED AND SO EXCITED! Honestly, the reason why I participate in this activity is because of the mental and physical benefits I would receive as a reward. Oh my goodness, I LOVE RUNNING! IT IS AMAZING. I feel extremely in control of myself, especially mentally. I especially love how I overtook another just now, as this sport definitely trains you mentally. Honestly, in the past, when I used to run so much, I did feel tired sometimes but my mental strength was so strong. However, after being in my current industry and also drinking the water, honestly, it really helps so much. Truthfully, I really do not believe it is psychological, but instead, physical as well! I CAN DO IT!!! GONNA SLEEP!

Contemplation is required to be an ongoing process in life. We need to contemplate about consequences before partaking in particular actions. Being on an auto pilot mode is strictly a no-go, as this has the tendency to destroy many human beings. The scary thing is that this is a gradual process, not an immediate one. In other words, it will be a slow death. I am sure one wouldn't wish to lose their humanity and sanity in most cases yeah. Contemplate and process before you post ridiculous things on Facebook. I have little tolerance for people who do that in reality as it reflects a lot about their flawed generic makeup. It's not nice!

Anyway, opportunity cost is the cost of the next best alternative good forgone. When your opportunity cost is high, please make the best of it! Come on girl! (: I always loved this theory, I need to apply it fully!

There's a reason why I gave up my Uni slots in SMU and NUS. I never posted this online before in detail, especially in August, where it was difficult. why I did this was because I saw an opportunity in my job. Times may be slow sometimes and high at times, and sometimes actions do not mirror intentions and we end up drooping, but there's this goal. There is this desire to never cave in to leave incompleted in the task that I wanna do. There is this need I have in me that makes me wanna persevere despite facing difficulties, and sometimes my actions don't tally and results don't. We all will find ourselves. Correct actions. there is a dream, and dreams are things that keep us going. Monotony is a trap. It is like quicksand. I wanna succeed. I need to go running for that drive! (:

Theme: Juxtaposition (notice the transition from less than positive to positive!)

I can be anything you want me to be.

 I am a bat of many colours, even though bats are typically black unless in fake worlds, but I can sing songs of loneliness that will squeeze the creepiest juice out of the most shriveled up human being without love. 

I am Cynicism, and I see nothing but pain and I pick dust out of clean cloth. I can see grey in an immaculate set of sparkling bright dishes, scrubbed once by Mommy and once by the dishwasher. 

I am a song. I am a string of perfectly correlated notes that are bound up in a necklace of melody. My tune goes for ages and is often repeated by sane mankind, who often ironically become submerged in my words and drown in sorrow. 

BUT, What is I am a dove? I am pure and my impeccable coat of white shines even in the gloomiest of nights. In daylight, my enchanting songs will echo throughout the cheery cities and envelop in radiant bliss. My bliss will multiply tenfold, and I will send you praise. 

I am Acceptance. I receive, and I respond with loving kindness and graceful speeches, for according to the laws of wordings, there needs to be peace. Calmness is the centrality of my life, and I greet every 'misfortune', commonly misregarded by the world as castrophic, as a lesson learnt. Why is that so? Honestly, everything happens for a reason. I have understood why from what I have gone though. 

I am a song. I am a string of perfectly correlated notes that are bound up in a necklace of melody. My tune goes for ages and is often repeated by sane mankind, who relish and revel in the great joy we bring. When song fills the soul, the soul is uplift.


We can see Anything the way we wish to perceive it with. Why not, choose the right glasses? 

We all each have a thousand stories and a million tales to tell about our individual boxed up lives, otherwise about the open entity we each possess. The importance of each story lies in the reader's hands. It can be mildly important or even extremely striking in nature. Each page can be read and interpreted in so Many ways! There are countless settings you can
Place these self-written storybooks in, and each way is so
Unique to the respective reader who consumes the book either in part or in whole. This is meant to confuse, not
To be understood. Interesting is the thought of man, for man have many thoughts. These innumberable thoughts often scare me.
Your intentions can scare me but yet can mean nothing to others. Hmm, let it be glad though! However, the intentions of these thoughts can be sadly ignored too. Human interaction is confusing sometimes and often leads to an unnecessary depth of misery. Yet, it is the existence of this misery that pleasurizes these living creatures. How interesting yet again. (: we are all single beings who attempt to glue fallen leaves together to create a green tree. How the vibrance of these dead leaves attract them. Dead leaves are meant to supply new life, and dead leaves have no duty in life. Let it be peaceful always, and happiness would reign above all things which are nothing. I wish everybody were happy and pure, but I know it Is best if we do our best and be real yeah. (:

Happiness is the best, and happiness is inside. (: it has always been, and will always be. Haha, love
These random rantings for they are so beautiful crafted. Stories.

You know, sometimes I want to know every story. Some people draw me to them
And I wanna read them. I tend to analyst a lot and then sometimes I don't for it is too bad. Analysis is meant for being sharp. A lot of times I choose not to do that, but it becomes a habit to not read things. Rmb to read at appropriate timings, and the most important thing is to be happy. Rmb to understand from different shoes. I have never worn yellow or maroon shoes in my life so I will never understand, but I can emphasize. I miss literature! yet I hate it for it makes me analyze too much! Double edged swords huh. Haha, okay I just wanna be normal and sleep, good night!

Dad Spending his birthday and anniversary with me at hospitals. Thanks dad!
I don't feel as well but I will be fine. We can do this! Haha looking forward to dinner. I am so awfully hungry.

It is amazing how things always change. Yes, mentality definitely has been built and can be built over time, but at the Same time, it is still a matter of applying that. Matter of application alone is determined by choice! It's amazing to know that you have amazing support around you. Got 2 consecutively for three days, and then none for two days but got 4 today. Didn't even think of that, but it was my peers who reminded me of the correct skills to apply, and to be calm. (: feels amazing. Thanks!

On a light mode, the movie The Assassination of an American President has great values that highlight the importance of upholding justice. The juxtaposition of blinded biasedness and uncorrupt justice completely Highlights human imperfection. Blah. Haha. I am now in a state of peace. Love the underlying values of it.

Someone taught me that it is not good to block away emotions.
It really felt alright to feel pain, and then feel happy again a few days later.

One thing I have learnt throughout the short span of years I have lived, is that everything happens for a reason. As I am a Christian, I believe it is God's plan. Of course, many others also believe that things happen for a reason, whether or not it is related to my own belief. Definitely, it does.

I know and I remember the reason why I blocked away emotions, because I was harmed terribly and I wanted to protect myself. Harmed not in that icky relationship way, neither was it some friend thing if you may ask. I was so terribly destroyed and the happy girl was torn. I cannot describe how it broke me, but I have the confidence to say now that I am happy. Forgiveness is one thing that was the main theme in my life before it happened, and that event took away probably eight months of happiness subconsciously. It was so painful. Forgiveness at that time was momentary and it was so hard, but we must know to put ourselves in the shoes of the perpetrator and forgive. I have always been abiding by this theme in my life, for forgiving others made me happier. I love the feeling I get when there is no heavy weight of anger that makes my heart literally feel very heavy, and I love that lightweight feather thing that pounds very slightly every second when there is no hatred, but only love for humanity. I know that many people find it not easy to forgive, but the only reason why I wish to forgive is because I wanna be happy. It is this simple, and it makes me genuinely happy when others are happy. Just make myself safe, and no one will have the opportunity to harm you. Do not put yourself in compromising situations and you will be happy.

I am going to allow myself to feel.
It is alright to feel. (:
I know my choice of words may seem like I still wanna block off, like "allowing myself to" do things, but we all need time. I feel like composing flighty words again.
My little childlike and bouncy feather-like lyrics which dazzle in sunlight.

And our happy memories will conjoin with the cheery present, and together, they will compose wonderful songs of hope.

And Hope, it is a very important thing.

I was wrong to have felt up and down previously. Always trust in the Lord and He give you strength. Now past compositions mean nothing. Psalm 27 (KJV) (:

Throw yourself in midair and scream in joy,
For little quails, like joyous balloons, have surrounded us both.
Celebrations and decorations of crepe paper and warmth,
Of short-lived gratitude that marks the end of dawn.

I woke up, remembering this sight.

Baby, do you remember us prancing past the grey concrete walls that very first night?
When it meant nothing at all, and we were just two plain characters that came together,
To craft a crazy story of pretentiousness.

When it means something, it becomes so painful because reality kicks in,
But how can reality realize itself if the foundation was flawed?

And then I forget, and dark blue inks spills all over my storybook.
There is no such story. What lies have you spun with your lips, dearest.
You will never be anyone's dear if they know the wrongs you have done.
The lies you have written and the truth be declared,
On stones and tablets and on monuments that go down in history.
How melodramatic.
After all, it is just a dream, my friend.

But Friend, we go through a lot, and you are just like me.
There's too much pain and uncertainty.
When I let loose, you turn away,
When previously I did not, your grip was firm.
And I am like a half-torn rope that can go both sides,
depending on our grips.

For friend, you have no idea how my mind works.

-------------------

Such a scary story.
Smiling, laughing, meaningless hugs and blessings. You can struggle to feel sometimes and that is a very unhealthy thing. You need some feelings. Only correct ones.
And also there's Lexy, Lexy oh Lexy. My dear fairy friend. You see, that wasn't the end of the patchwork world. It was just the beginning.

And there is another story, as I am still young and exploration is one great subject. Yet, I wish to sleep now. Goodnight (: