be glad, be glad, be glad, remain calm, be glad, ignore everything else, be glad.
this post sounds meaningless and it has a bleak future.

essie i miss you! <3 <3 <3 you are sooo far away in vancouver and i know you'll never read this anytime soon but thanks for everything. words can't express my heartfelt thanks. i know everyone else that has shown concern cares too but sometimes, others should judge themselves before judging others! you don't like it when people judge you with their piercing look and sinister glare, and yet you do it to others. what irony. how the world contradicts itself. everything is a mess because everyone is a mess. see how what goes around comes around?

haha. i should be glad because people are just envious of what they can't have. yes, you said that the blog is meant to be a secret but not really one, because in fact, everyone is reading it. in other words, it is just an open secret, known to the world yet sealed with your lips, especially in front of you. how everything seems to go against everything else, and the world plainly feigns ignorance. we all know it, it is blatant, yet we choose to act like we don't, because 'ignorance' is bliss, even if it is merely artificial. how ludicrous. that's why it's called a joke. it's supposed to be funny!

NOT.

i can't stand people who target you from behind when you clearly know it. such losers.
such courage, i cannot admire. suit yourselves. jealous creeps.
it is crystal clear.

i am going to study.
i am sick of people telling me how to run my life.
I am myself. I am not you.
Just because you do not like it and are against does not mean that I have to accede to your every request. Do you know me? Do you? You complain to others and you think you know it all, but you don't. you only know yourself. i am sick of everything, i swear. one more thing, and i'll scream at you and holler till you cry. annoying and immature jealous little girls.

jealousy is the root of all evil, i swear.

i know some people truly care, and i should understand that.
maybe i am not such a good person after all.

well, we'll see.

after all, this world is meant to be the way it is.

i look forward to world's end.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=947613&l=4d08e&id=730473942

i did not upload all the pictures.
uploaded quite a lot, at requests. (:
enjoy. i will improve although it's pretty stunning already for a sixteen year old. (fifteen-and-a-half)

generally, my favourites are the ones that i wore the black dress and the white top. the pictures with my hair done do not justify me. ): the black dress makes my leg look bigger too, because of the angle and puffiness.
my real favourite is the picture all the way at the bottom, which is also my profile pictures on various accounts. (:
whatever, keep your comments to yourself, unless you are praising me.
if you think you're so capable and have the qualifications to be a model, go ahead, if they would accept you, and we can exchange pointers.
i abhor non-constructive criticism.
i will work out to make my legs slimmer.
point of fact: they are muscles, not fats.
thanks.

i'm always reminded by others that the world is full of jealous people.
can't stand it. lead your lives and backkkoffff

updated

A diary is an outlet whereby people display their innermost (?) thoughts.
Surprisingly, the blog defeats the purpose a journal supposedly upholds.
The term 'online diary'- I am just debating on its supposed name.
I am not going to please the world, and I am not attempting to, so I shall speak of free will, almost without constraints.

It is certain and undeniable that there are.

Till then.

-

every blog is merely a boring piece of paper coated with candy, sweets and dumb treats to fulfill and entertain the whimsey of another ignorant being.

HAHA. :/

earliest to most recent.
ENJOY.

Qi and I (she made me do it! haha)
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=926792&l=1b1c6&id=730473942

CHURCH CAMP 2008 SWISS GARDEN RESORT (KUANTAN, MALAYSIA)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=40432&l=d607e&id=730473942

YF GROUP OUTING 16/06/2008
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=40546&l=b6285&id=730473942

get lost, stalkers!
can't you read the sign which says-
'I ABHOR YOU' ?
i am contemplating about putting a lock on this blog.
on the other hand, maybe not.
after all, the internet is free for all= no privacy.
it just annoys and disgusts me.
piss off.

heh. >: /

i welcome all important people. (:

it's really infuriating when you know that people you loathe actually bother to make their existence known and try to play a minor role in your life, reading your online diary and tracing your account that contains vague information about your ever changing lifestyle. haven't they heard of, get a life?
i swear i am damn sarcastic. haha. i could laugh to death.

i must be a nice girl.
i must be good!
i must forgive hateful passerbys.

Most of all, i miss the sand and the sea. i might have missed the first few days of camp, but i've certainly gained a lot of insight from God's word from God's messenger, got to know a lot of brethren on a better level. sometimes, firsthand experience is what really makes a difference.

i recall wandering off on my own into the crashing waves that was a distance from the shore and into the south china sea but i would always be yelled at to retreat by onlooking and concerned people. it was quite a pity i did not have the opportunity to venture off further on my own. ):

i miss jumping into the waves by myself. i miss the awakening taste of the salt in the sea. i am in a state of nostalgia. ): i am so weird.

i recall weeping due to the excruciating pain my headache caused. perhaps, that was part of the reason. i miss everything that i miss.

surprisingly, almost all i have brought back from camp is memories of the beach and sea. if i were to die in the future, i want to die afloat in the sea. just a random thought.

right at this very moment, someone is thinking of you, whether you are conscious of it or not.
do not despair, do not give up even though there is slightest hope. you might think that this world is desolate and unfeeling but look on the positive side of life and your heart will be filled with an unfamiliar but comforting warmth.

i should start learning to treasure what i already have, instead of crying over split milk. what is done cannot be undone, no matter how hard you will for it to happen.

can't wait to go for the camp. everyone's there already!

i guess certain things just do not lie in our hands, because everything comes and goes, and we just stretch out our hands and accept everything the way it is, without lifting a finger to make a change in this monotonous life that we have to deal with every single repetitive day.

I notice my emotions constantly embarks on this insane roller coaster ride, fluctuating from pure bliss to feeling almost deranged, and i am rather perturbed by this fact. This seemingly never ending journey has culminated in saddening hostility.

Forget it. Countless times, I do not comprehend what I wish to bring across to myself. I am this awfully sad girl, and then this cheerful little thing.

I recall my friend saying "Action speaks louder than words". This is a very common phrase. It is applicable to all circumstances. Simple enough, yet deep. Too much to handle, sometimes.

I think my actions are misleading, because they do not depict how I really feel inside. I may engage this unfeeling, cold front in an attempt of being defensive but the truth is, it hurts so bad I do not know how to face it. I merely ignore it all and act like everything is just a spotless piece of paper and nothing has happened.

I am proud of this friend A, who has confronted his own feelings and faced it with my assistance. (: Go pal! There's no one to help me though, only I can help myself.

Would you help yourself, too? Do you think hiding is the best solution to surmount this desolation? I can see it all, from one's windows to the world- your eyes. You can lie to yourself, but I can still see the gloominess and devastation that you are trying to shield from everyone you love. You have lost hope, faith, and love because of this setback. It pains me, a lot, but I do not show it.

I know we are afraid. You're not the only one.

If the one who cares ever reads this, it either shows that you have a certain degree of interest in my life, you hate me, you love me, or that you merely care. right? interesting.

going for church camp on wednesday till saturday.
at least i get to go.