Someone taught me that it is not good to block away emotions.
It really felt alright to feel pain, and then feel happy again a few days later.
One thing I have learnt throughout the short span of years I have lived, is that everything happens for a reason. As I am a Christian, I believe it is God's plan. Of course, many others also believe that things happen for a reason, whether or not it is related to my own belief. Definitely, it does.
I know and I remember the reason why I blocked away emotions, because I was harmed terribly and I wanted to protect myself. Harmed not in that icky relationship way, neither was it some friend thing if you may ask. I was so terribly destroyed and the happy girl was torn. I cannot describe how it broke me, but I have the confidence to say now that I am happy. Forgiveness is one thing that was the main theme in my life before it happened, and that event took away probably eight months of happiness subconsciously. It was so painful. Forgiveness at that time was momentary and it was so hard, but we must know to put ourselves in the shoes of the perpetrator and forgive. I have always been abiding by this theme in my life, for forgiving others made me happier. I love the feeling I get when there is no heavy weight of anger that makes my heart literally feel very heavy, and I love that lightweight feather thing that pounds very slightly every second when there is no hatred, but only love for humanity. I know that many people find it not easy to forgive, but the only reason why I wish to forgive is because I wanna be happy. It is this simple, and it makes me genuinely happy when others are happy. Just make myself safe, and no one will have the opportunity to harm you. Do not put yourself in compromising situations and you will be happy.
I am going to allow myself to feel.
It is alright to feel. (:
I know my choice of words may seem like I still wanna block off, like "allowing myself to" do things, but we all need time. I feel like composing flighty words again.
My little childlike and bouncy feather-like lyrics which dazzle in sunlight.
And our happy memories will conjoin with the cheery present, and together, they will compose wonderful songs of hope.
And Hope, it is a very important thing.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Throw yourself in midair and scream in joy,
For little quails, like joyous balloons, have surrounded us both.
Celebrations and decorations of crepe paper and warmth,
Of short-lived gratitude that marks the end of dawn.
I woke up, remembering this sight.
Baby, do you remember us prancing past the grey concrete walls that very first night?
When it meant nothing at all, and we were just two plain characters that came together,
To craft a crazy story of pretentiousness.
When it means something, it becomes so painful because reality kicks in,
But how can reality realize itself if the foundation was flawed?
And then I forget, and dark blue inks spills all over my storybook.
There is no such story. What lies have you spun with your lips, dearest.
You will never be anyone's dear if they know the wrongs you have done.
The lies you have written and the truth be declared,
On stones and tablets and on monuments that go down in history.
How melodramatic.
After all, it is just a dream, my friend.
But Friend, we go through a lot, and you are just like me.
There's too much pain and uncertainty.
When I let loose, you turn away,
When previously I did not, your grip was firm.
And I am like a half-torn rope that can go both sides,
depending on our grips.
For friend, you have no idea how my mind works.
-------------------
Such a scary story.
Smiling, laughing, meaningless hugs and blessings. You can struggle to feel sometimes and that is a very unhealthy thing. You need some feelings. Only correct ones.
And also there's Lexy, Lexy oh Lexy. My dear fairy friend. You see, that wasn't the end of the patchwork world. It was just the beginning.
And there is another story, as I am still young and exploration is one great subject. Yet, I wish to sleep now. Goodnight (:
For little quails, like joyous balloons, have surrounded us both.
Celebrations and decorations of crepe paper and warmth,
Of short-lived gratitude that marks the end of dawn.
I woke up, remembering this sight.
Baby, do you remember us prancing past the grey concrete walls that very first night?
When it meant nothing at all, and we were just two plain characters that came together,
To craft a crazy story of pretentiousness.
When it means something, it becomes so painful because reality kicks in,
But how can reality realize itself if the foundation was flawed?
And then I forget, and dark blue inks spills all over my storybook.
There is no such story. What lies have you spun with your lips, dearest.
You will never be anyone's dear if they know the wrongs you have done.
The lies you have written and the truth be declared,
On stones and tablets and on monuments that go down in history.
How melodramatic.
After all, it is just a dream, my friend.
But Friend, we go through a lot, and you are just like me.
There's too much pain and uncertainty.
When I let loose, you turn away,
When previously I did not, your grip was firm.
And I am like a half-torn rope that can go both sides,
depending on our grips.
For friend, you have no idea how my mind works.
-------------------
Such a scary story.
Smiling, laughing, meaningless hugs and blessings. You can struggle to feel sometimes and that is a very unhealthy thing. You need some feelings. Only correct ones.
And also there's Lexy, Lexy oh Lexy. My dear fairy friend. You see, that wasn't the end of the patchwork world. It was just the beginning.
And there is another story, as I am still young and exploration is one great subject. Yet, I wish to sleep now. Goodnight (:
Saturday, September 17, 2011
If there is just one thing that I could present across to you, that would be the statement that "conformity does not equate to
Intelligence".
When I was young, I recall an episode where the teacher asked us all to raise our hands, to gather who would pick "love" or "bread". Surprisingly, everyone chose "bread", when te answer could have been none at all or even both. There is also one thing that I have learnt, that is if one is presented with only two choices, it does not mean that you have to conform. I choose none. Instead, I have chosen freedom of choice, but ironically it traps me at times. Rebelling is one characteristic that I realize predominates me, but that also kills
Many of us. Do unconventional acts make you happy sometimes? Perhaps. Many times, it is short-lived and there is no sense. At certain occasions, I just forget.
I wanna go up to the hills And be happy forever (: I love nature.
Intelligence".
When I was young, I recall an episode where the teacher asked us all to raise our hands, to gather who would pick "love" or "bread". Surprisingly, everyone chose "bread", when te answer could have been none at all or even both. There is also one thing that I have learnt, that is if one is presented with only two choices, it does not mean that you have to conform. I choose none. Instead, I have chosen freedom of choice, but ironically it traps me at times. Rebelling is one characteristic that I realize predominates me, but that also kills
Many of us. Do unconventional acts make you happy sometimes? Perhaps. Many times, it is short-lived and there is no sense. At certain occasions, I just forget.
I wanna go up to the hills And be happy forever (: I love nature.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
How do you intensify an emotion? The simple thing to do is to paint it deeper with a brush. When you wish to make it real amplified, you take that colour and multiply it a thousand times by strength and With precision. The thing is, over time, these paints Do fade due to the wearing out caused by time.
But that's not what I wanna talk about now. This was something that I have written this afternoon during contemplation.
It is not good to be a wall.
Lena sat in the middle of concrete and plastered earth orange brick walls. Four walls. She was a little girl
With impeccable dress sense as her mother had taught her how to dress like a king when she was young. Hence, she could adopt the role of any immortal-like being, for a king was everything. Lena was so tired. She wanted to sleep. She just said whatever she wanted to and there was no link, just like this story she left behind, same like Jane. They were all very sad creatures who had no happiness at all. They sometimes had emotions like cheeriness, just like me, but these emotions were short-lived and they couldn't last very long as Lena lived inside a DAMN brick wall. Lena was very sad and she wanted to sleep forever like the silly Sleeping Beauty in those stories she hated, but it didn't make sense because she was taught to dress like a king. Due to her upbringing, she must be expected to not ridicule those ludicrous tales. Lena is so tired now. She was taught not to use the hammer to knock down those walls as her mum reminded her of how she was cruelly attacked when she was young and climbed out of the walls. Four walls surround her now, and I saw the happiness cloud floating by, for I am Lena. It rained and I was happy, because I felt the emotions from these clouds. Yet, soon they left me as water evaporates and so does gladness and joy. Lena was devastated, and so was I, for we were one. "Lena, Lena, where are you?" the cloud screamed in vain but it is a known fact that clouds have no voice, and hence cannot speak. I want my happiness cloud, please don't go away. But that's only now, tomorrow I won't want it anymore as the four walls protect us and clouds can drift away. Better to be happy, and you will be yeah. It's a natter of choice. (:
But that's not what I wanna talk about now. This was something that I have written this afternoon during contemplation.
It is not good to be a wall.
Lena sat in the middle of concrete and plastered earth orange brick walls. Four walls. She was a little girl
With impeccable dress sense as her mother had taught her how to dress like a king when she was young. Hence, she could adopt the role of any immortal-like being, for a king was everything. Lena was so tired. She wanted to sleep. She just said whatever she wanted to and there was no link, just like this story she left behind, same like Jane. They were all very sad creatures who had no happiness at all. They sometimes had emotions like cheeriness, just like me, but these emotions were short-lived and they couldn't last very long as Lena lived inside a DAMN brick wall. Lena was very sad and she wanted to sleep forever like the silly Sleeping Beauty in those stories she hated, but it didn't make sense because she was taught to dress like a king. Due to her upbringing, she must be expected to not ridicule those ludicrous tales. Lena is so tired now. She was taught not to use the hammer to knock down those walls as her mum reminded her of how she was cruelly attacked when she was young and climbed out of the walls. Four walls surround her now, and I saw the happiness cloud floating by, for I am Lena. It rained and I was happy, because I felt the emotions from these clouds. Yet, soon they left me as water evaporates and so does gladness and joy. Lena was devastated, and so was I, for we were one. "Lena, Lena, where are you?" the cloud screamed in vain but it is a known fact that clouds have no voice, and hence cannot speak. I want my happiness cloud, please don't go away. But that's only now, tomorrow I won't want it anymore as the four walls protect us and clouds can drift away. Better to be happy, and you will be yeah. It's a natter of choice. (:
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