Saturday, January 30, 2010

I keep deleting what I type here. It's like your mind has this coffee bag filter or something.
I think.

The A's are approaching.
I constantly tell myself that and I feel really stressed but I'm gonna relax. Take a step at a time.
Should be studying now. I feel perpetually tired. I think it is the stress. I sleep really early.

I wish I could do more to help.
If only I had the capabilities.
And if only I had the time.

I dreamt that I was in a game sorta battle in mid-air at least sixty stories up.
There were those orange and dark blue tubes and I was gonna fall off already.
They were going to crush me or something. And I saw a giant Oreo. Haha!
Must have watched "American Gladiator" too much.
Spend your time wisely!
Haha.

It's the time of the month where I feel extremely moody again and then question the existence of life.
I have to keep reminding myself that it is merely the result of hormones in your body.
Darn it! (: Smile manz.

Was singing karaoke at the top of my voice. Poor neighbours.
I am happy!
The park exploration with my friend was good. It really made me unwind. Visited Mama after that. I wish I could spend more time with her. I wish she would smile more. I think she thinks I am silly. Haha. Perhaps I try to hard to make amends. I constantly remind myself that it could be the last time I am seeing her and so I tell them I love them every time. They should think I am nuts. I don't even do that to my parents.

Ever since my mum's mother departed from this Earth, I told myself I had to love the remaining grandparents more. I used to cry in the middle of the night in bed to make myself feel remorse. I am thankful that she accepted Christ before she died though. I was in YF camp that year in Sec 1. I was this stupid little kid who thought it was a waste of time to visit her since she could not even open her eyes to see me. Or I just did not want to remember a bad image of her. I remembr she taught me how to fold a paper crane. I knew she was dying then. I miss her. Oh man. I should stop thinking of sad things. No one is as sad as her daughter though. I know why.

But it's over! Life goes on and she's blissfully in heaven. I know with assurance that I will see her there when I go there. I have been a bad girl though. I have many transgressions that I feel ashamed of. But I have prayed that I will forgive myself, and I have. Hope others can forgive me too.
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Oh yeah.

People always judge the pictures and things.
They do not know what I have to go through.
Wish they wouldn't be so close-minded. Come on, it's the new century!
I just gotta deal with it man.
Admit some pics were ugly though hahaha.

I wanna make friends and not foes. It isn't a nice feeling.

Everyday is a new day. (:
Live on of Him.

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