i am ill. i felt half dead when i was doing e math paper 2. the paper was easy though. i think i am running a temperature. my whole body seems to be cooking, i am suffering from flu and sore throat and my head hurts. ): pray for me!

i just reread my previous post. it was truly uplifting. i guess there are just certain times when you feel that all is lost and it takes that much to lift you out of your despondent state. Everything that dawns on me happens for a purpose and plan. God's plan. I continually remind myself that this is true and life seems to be more pleasant when i adopt this notion. Anyone can be happy. They just have to allow it. I cannot accept it when someone revisits the past all the time and blames and rebukes me for something i have done years ago. i was a young teenager, impressionable, typical, whatever. everyone knows a child can't think right. true. stop it. i guess that is what they deem ' living in the past'- blaming you for every single mistake that has long been eradicated from your memory, telling you to learn, to learn, to learn. it does not help when the corrector thinks that it is beneficial to the person concerning this matter.

ignore?

the next paper is coming up soon. i will be glad when this is all over.
i wish my foolish pride would go away.
is it that hard to let go?
i have already fallen deep into this trap years ago.

i wish i were a young and adorable little girl. i would do all the stupid and frivolous things and everyone would love me and take it as it is. too bad i am not. not anymore.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALLISTER! :D

Yes, lis, this is for you. Haha i am sorry I gave you that gay girl name.
I enjoyed learning with you during our 'study' sessions in the cafe those times.
it was great talking to you on the phone and laughing about ridiculous things.
you are a nice bro! ( i think) sorry i can't send you birthday greetings because your phone is not in a working condition. (:
-i will tell him to read this.

As the end of this year draws near, i cannot help but reflect about the past year. everyone has aged by a year, transformed, gone through much more in life, seen a lot more and experienced memorable stages of life.

i wasted away most of my time. it is only recently that i really started working hard for my upcoming papers. i feel the urge to do well. i think i have changed a lot. i did not use to care about anyone else and their existence apart from myself and perhaps a few exceptions.

God has a purpose and plan for everything. He continually moulds me, rids the imperfections, the flaws, everything that is not pleasing to him. We cannot deny that there is a God, a living God. he is not an inanimate object. He is our ethereal Father, our sovereign king.

Ask yourself. Who made the world? Who made us?

Did we just appear out of nowhere and have a life of our own?

No.

He created us, and Man fell. Man continually lives in iniquity, and the world is sin-ridden. People dying, throat-slashing, poverty, backstabbing, whatever it is, it is of the world.

But, God is here to save us. God is immaculate. He cannot tolerate sin. Jesus died for us, and he rose . If we believe that He died for us, we have a place in heaven. It is that simple. You cannot deny that there is a God. It is blatant.

I have this friend who recently told me about her new-found faith in Christ. She used to be an atheist but has thus abandoned her old beliefs. It is truly remarkable because her current belief opposes her initial stand. I am really glad.
-
Graduation was great. I will miss my classmates. It was then when we finally took off the masks and revealed a little of our true selves. Sadly but true, people start to appreciate another when we have to part with each other.

i've got to study real hard and ace the test!
i must constantly motivate myself to give my all.
it's my future.
everything else can wait after the final examination.
that is all in my head right now. that has totally got to sink in.
sink in, stay there.
i will attain all that i want after it.

studied in the morning, then swam with cheryl and ling yu. ling yu left early so she didn't take pictures with us. it was awesomeness. the lifeguard thinking that i was gonna drown when i was holding onto the wall at the 1.8m mark, (lol, i can swim okay! he told me to swim at the tiny shallow area at the sides of the pool.) jumping into shallow waters thinking that it was deep enough(children's pool), having a great time in the freezing waters of the shallow indoor pool, jacuzzi-like things and cheryl teaching me to float in the deep pool! haha. it was simply marvellous. all the things we do to relax before we start studying really hard for the final exam. at her place now. the self-timed shots as follows:

cool slides! haha they are anti-butts. (sounds weird, nevermind. )


haha okay the apprehensive children just ambled across. coolx. a goggle covers half my body. i am so tiny. nawtx.



heh look at us girls.



i like the purple slide.


we were waiting for the water to fall from above. lol. there's a huge pail that is not captured on this picture.



kid's playground.



AWESOMENESS! :D



we are happy children.



haha i am in a state of bliss. i shall study smart tomorrow.

cont.

rollerblading at night!

















i jumped in from the first level. lol












i was trying to show off my blade, not my legs.



goodnight.

THE PRELIMS are finally over. I can throw aside the books for a few days. (:
surprising, how things come to my mind when i am off the com and when i get to use it, i can't think of much to say.

God works wonders. everything falls into place according to his purpose and plan.
I have to be a better girl, and i am still growing. i can't revert to what i was before, though i admit the fact that i am not a very pleasant person at times.

you can't really trust anyone wholly. you've got to give without expecting returns.
we've got to rely on God rather than man. How everything falls into place like a picture perfect puzzle simply amazes me. it is just so unfathomable, as though we were acting out roles of an impeccable script.

michael phelps is so cool. haha i wanna emulate him.

A1 FOR CHINESE O LEVEL, distinction for CHINESE ORAL.
my first chinese A1! haha. i'm like tracing my roots to china.
i am pleased. (: i shall live in bliss for one day.
two whole weeks of i-adore-chinese attitude, a three hundred plus or four you jin chim book plus a half read book,
and awfully incomprehensible newspapers,
reading dictionary and half done papers.
yay :D

i feel faint. i am not well. i sincerely hope that i will recover before prelims.
i hate disappointment. everything.
i must combat on, and i'll grow.
i still care about my friends, true ones.
i'll have to be true myself.
i love my family.
i must endeavor to love everybody.

Lord, sustain me.

what is this hypocrisy all about?

speaking ill of people behind their backs, putting up a false front.
if you do not like it, say it face to face! the thing is, people do not do so for fear of the consequences and as time goes by, it accumulates and one day, the volcano erupts and everyone is victimised. result? we are all hurt by the lava and as it solidifies, so does our hearts.

what an analogy.

it hurts sometimes, but as time goes by, you are actually immune to it.
you realise that you can no longer entirely trust a person. you have to give some, but withhold everything else. do not give your all, because no one else does. it is that difficult to place your faith on someone. that is why this world is full of sin.

there are people that you can rely on, but you cannot place your all on that person, for that person has his or her own troubles and sooner or later, things will turn ugly if you are to dependent on the person. learn to think before you speak.

happy resolution. things will turn out perfectly fine, because I give in.
say sorry, and unhappy things will come to an end!
put aside your pride.
forgive, and eventually forget!
we are all people living in bliss.
remember, ignorance is bliss?
(supposedly smiling. )

prelims in less than 20 days. work harder, yiling.

Many occasions, I wonder if it is all worth it. The endeavours made at trying to comprehend someone, being patient even though they flare up at you for no particular reason even though you have given so much more. I know that if I were not to bother to, they would do the analogous. Therefore, I try means and ways to behave in an appropriate manner. Do you call this pretentious, hypocrisy, or merely being humble and lowering yourself so that peace is maintained? Both sides must be willing.

I express my heartfelt thanks to the people who have made an effort to speak to me, be it face to face or on the phone. Only love and concern for a fellow friend would urge them to do so. When one has given up hope on you, such thoughtful gestures are not evident.

How i marvel at this discovery. I care. Only, do you know that no one is perfect?

For that point, no, I am not attempting to sound mature. I am merely expressing how I feel. Does everyone not know the fact that hiding the truth only leads to sinking deeper into this trap? How do you escape if you wish not to face it? I just say the truth and how I really feel, because I care.

I really detest people who abhors someone without knowing that person. When someone tells me that, it only leads me into regarding that person with disdain, escpecially like-minded brethren who feel that way. No, I am not perfect, and I cannot help but being in this state.

On a lighter note, talking to someone and clearing the air really is the ultimate solution, whether or not you touch on that subject, but merely conversing with each other as though the relationship were a fresh sheet of paper. No prejudice. It will be very obvious.

lesson learnt.

i haven't been online in eons!
anyway, i have to study really hard for the final examination.
prelims are up in 26 days, last count.
anyway, things that do not concern my studies will have to be put aside.
that includes shoots, ): (very sadly, but maybe a little if it comes my way) obssesive exercising and others,
TILL the end of my FINAL EXAMS.

i have no outside life now.

however nasty things will be fine if you just commit it to prayer. i really find it frustrating when people keep rambling about how life sucks. i really wish they could see the light, the positive side in life and be glad for once.

sometimes, i know it is much more comforting to know that you are depressed and people care for you but when you get out of that 'comfort' zone, you will begin to view life very differently. everyone wants somebody to care, which results in their actions. notice how your life does not revolve around you but around somebody else, everybody else?

everyone wants attention, which results in action, and actions have consequences. we have to think before we act. i get turned off by people who do not think before they speak, really. everyone does. complete TURN-off.

i wanna fly to vancouver!

i do want things to turn out fine. sorry if i've caused you to misunderstand or anyone to, really. we must live in harmony! friends? (:
this may apply to many cases.

where is the happy ending that we all seek in every aspect of our life? it takes two hands to clap.

when the time comes, the times comes, and it definitely is not now.

focus, yiling.
i sound like i'm speaking to myself as a third person.




anyway, there have been immature people sending me messages that indicate sexual desires and i am totally disgusted and appalled. how revolting that can be. get a life. Capital L-osers. 0:

i pity you.
not.

i must forgive ignorant child-like teenagers,
especially if they read my blog,
and they shall stop.
thank you.
go and study.

I've found the true meaning of a lot of things after speaking to allister on the phone last night. it wasn't about you, it was about me telling you what i feel about everything and in a way, assisting you as well as myself. when i preach to others, it somehow applies to myself. i notice that it is really easy to tell someone else the right thing to do but it is hard to carry words out into action. you have to really let things go. i know you don't read my posts, sister lissy. (sounds gay) (: i know you're not a girl but i don't care. since you don't bother to, i shall blog anyway. (: thanks for keeping me up till about one and not letting me sleep. first time. i love blogging about people who do not read my posts. THANK YOU FOR COMPLIMENTING ME and saying things like- you're a really good listener and really nice to talk to! hahahaha. i know other people read my blog.
i realise i have a lot of 'fans'. -.-

When you let go of something, the burden is lifted off your heavy heart and you feel free. Why hold on to something which has no answer and no end? This will result in eternal monotonity. Many things have dawned upon me for the past few days, and i know that true joy can only be experienced when you learn to accept things the way it is, and also the people around you, instead of attempting to change them.

Stop upholding the negative mindset that you have, that facade, continuing to live in misery. Would you rather be a blissful person, or be a depressed soul, moaning about life all day? You can change, only if you want to. No one else can help you. They can only do what they can- talk to you and give you words of encouragement that lifts up your soul if you allow for it to happen.

It's really heartwarming to know that people care about you despite how you think otherwise. I have truly found the real meaning in life and i know that i will only be happy if i learn to treasure things of the present, instead of living in desolation and holding on to everything that is past. I know most people do this without actual knowledge of it, for in their hearts, they do not wish to let go.

It is natural, because we are humans, and this is part and parcel of life. Human emotions equals to weakness. I shuld leave everything to our sovereign God, love him with my all, even though my all is nothing compared to his unconditional love. I need to be a better person. I should strive to be more genuine. Sometimes, the negative part of me says no and often, i obey it. We should all learn to ignore the negative side of us and listening to the weak whisper that say- 'do the right thing'.

We should all be friends instead of bearing grudges and detesting each other due to past feuds, though hard it may be. Ignoring is not the best solution, it is running away from reality.

Only by being genuine, then will people around to start to peel off the false side of them and revealing the real in them. i should stop the pretense, though at times, it is inevitable. after all, who would want a present that is wrapped up in the most exquisite designs and unwrap it, only to find an empty box or what's worse, full of serpents waiting to eat you alive? Most people are like that.

are you one of them?

I hope you actually read it all. Farewell, my loyal fans. (:
pretty lengthy post, actually.

the world is so incomprehendsible, or do you make it seem like that? i can't seem to comprehend anything anymore. nothing appears genuine. people are not showing their true selves, everything is just a facade. everyone, inculding myself, is not showing their real self. maybe there are people who reveal a little about themselves, but other than that, everything seems so complicated. Rey, Rey. thanks a lot, for confusing me. ):

Now i can't sleep in peace. In Mabel's home right now. I don't feel genuine anymore. I need to be alive!!!!! I should start being real myself, then others will emulate me and people around me will endeavour to be true instead of faking it.

I know that I have to be good example instead of being a stumbling block. I want to be strong too, i want to be a role model. I need to do it instead of just saying it. It's really tough, though. I guess I have a lot more to learn.

Thanks, Rey, for speaking to me.

must check post before publishing. -.-

be glad, be glad, be glad, remain calm, be glad, ignore everything else, be glad.
this post sounds meaningless and it has a bleak future.

essie i miss you! <3 <3 <3 you are sooo far away in vancouver and i know you'll never read this anytime soon but thanks for everything. words can't express my heartfelt thanks. i know everyone else that has shown concern cares too but sometimes, others should judge themselves before judging others! you don't like it when people judge you with their piercing look and sinister glare, and yet you do it to others. what irony. how the world contradicts itself. everything is a mess because everyone is a mess. see how what goes around comes around?

haha. i should be glad because people are just envious of what they can't have. yes, you said that the blog is meant to be a secret but not really one, because in fact, everyone is reading it. in other words, it is just an open secret, known to the world yet sealed with your lips, especially in front of you. how everything seems to go against everything else, and the world plainly feigns ignorance. we all know it, it is blatant, yet we choose to act like we don't, because 'ignorance' is bliss, even if it is merely artificial. how ludicrous. that's why it's called a joke. it's supposed to be funny!

NOT.

i can't stand people who target you from behind when you clearly know it. such losers.
such courage, i cannot admire. suit yourselves. jealous creeps.
it is crystal clear.

i am going to study.
i am sick of people telling me how to run my life.
I am myself. I am not you.
Just because you do not like it and are against does not mean that I have to accede to your every request. Do you know me? Do you? You complain to others and you think you know it all, but you don't. you only know yourself. i am sick of everything, i swear. one more thing, and i'll scream at you and holler till you cry. annoying and immature jealous little girls.

jealousy is the root of all evil, i swear.

i know some people truly care, and i should understand that.
maybe i am not such a good person after all.

well, we'll see.

after all, this world is meant to be the way it is.

i look forward to world's end.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=947613&l=4d08e&id=730473942

i did not upload all the pictures.
uploaded quite a lot, at requests. (:
enjoy. i will improve although it's pretty stunning already for a sixteen year old. (fifteen-and-a-half)

generally, my favourites are the ones that i wore the black dress and the white top. the pictures with my hair done do not justify me. ): the black dress makes my leg look bigger too, because of the angle and puffiness.
my real favourite is the picture all the way at the bottom, which is also my profile pictures on various accounts. (:
whatever, keep your comments to yourself, unless you are praising me.
if you think you're so capable and have the qualifications to be a model, go ahead, if they would accept you, and we can exchange pointers.
i abhor non-constructive criticism.
i will work out to make my legs slimmer.
point of fact: they are muscles, not fats.
thanks.

i'm always reminded by others that the world is full of jealous people.
can't stand it. lead your lives and backkkoffff

updated

A diary is an outlet whereby people display their innermost (?) thoughts.
Surprisingly, the blog defeats the purpose a journal supposedly upholds.
The term 'online diary'- I am just debating on its supposed name.
I am not going to please the world, and I am not attempting to, so I shall speak of free will, almost without constraints.

It is certain and undeniable that there are.

Till then.

-

every blog is merely a boring piece of paper coated with candy, sweets and dumb treats to fulfill and entertain the whimsey of another ignorant being.

HAHA. :/

earliest to most recent.
ENJOY.

Qi and I (she made me do it! haha)
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=926792&l=1b1c6&id=730473942

CHURCH CAMP 2008 SWISS GARDEN RESORT (KUANTAN, MALAYSIA)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=40432&l=d607e&id=730473942

YF GROUP OUTING 16/06/2008
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=40546&l=b6285&id=730473942

get lost, stalkers!
can't you read the sign which says-
'I ABHOR YOU' ?
i am contemplating about putting a lock on this blog.
on the other hand, maybe not.
after all, the internet is free for all= no privacy.
it just annoys and disgusts me.
piss off.

heh. >: /

i welcome all important people. (:

it's really infuriating when you know that people you loathe actually bother to make their existence known and try to play a minor role in your life, reading your online diary and tracing your account that contains vague information about your ever changing lifestyle. haven't they heard of, get a life?
i swear i am damn sarcastic. haha. i could laugh to death.

i must be a nice girl.
i must be good!
i must forgive hateful passerbys.

Most of all, i miss the sand and the sea. i might have missed the first few days of camp, but i've certainly gained a lot of insight from God's word from God's messenger, got to know a lot of brethren on a better level. sometimes, firsthand experience is what really makes a difference.

i recall wandering off on my own into the crashing waves that was a distance from the shore and into the south china sea but i would always be yelled at to retreat by onlooking and concerned people. it was quite a pity i did not have the opportunity to venture off further on my own. ):

i miss jumping into the waves by myself. i miss the awakening taste of the salt in the sea. i am in a state of nostalgia. ): i am so weird.

i recall weeping due to the excruciating pain my headache caused. perhaps, that was part of the reason. i miss everything that i miss.

surprisingly, almost all i have brought back from camp is memories of the beach and sea. if i were to die in the future, i want to die afloat in the sea. just a random thought.

right at this very moment, someone is thinking of you, whether you are conscious of it or not.
do not despair, do not give up even though there is slightest hope. you might think that this world is desolate and unfeeling but look on the positive side of life and your heart will be filled with an unfamiliar but comforting warmth.

i should start learning to treasure what i already have, instead of crying over split milk. what is done cannot be undone, no matter how hard you will for it to happen.

can't wait to go for the camp. everyone's there already!

i guess certain things just do not lie in our hands, because everything comes and goes, and we just stretch out our hands and accept everything the way it is, without lifting a finger to make a change in this monotonous life that we have to deal with every single repetitive day.

I notice my emotions constantly embarks on this insane roller coaster ride, fluctuating from pure bliss to feeling almost deranged, and i am rather perturbed by this fact. This seemingly never ending journey has culminated in saddening hostility.

Forget it. Countless times, I do not comprehend what I wish to bring across to myself. I am this awfully sad girl, and then this cheerful little thing.

I recall my friend saying "Action speaks louder than words". This is a very common phrase. It is applicable to all circumstances. Simple enough, yet deep. Too much to handle, sometimes.

I think my actions are misleading, because they do not depict how I really feel inside. I may engage this unfeeling, cold front in an attempt of being defensive but the truth is, it hurts so bad I do not know how to face it. I merely ignore it all and act like everything is just a spotless piece of paper and nothing has happened.

I am proud of this friend A, who has confronted his own feelings and faced it with my assistance. (: Go pal! There's no one to help me though, only I can help myself.

Would you help yourself, too? Do you think hiding is the best solution to surmount this desolation? I can see it all, from one's windows to the world- your eyes. You can lie to yourself, but I can still see the gloominess and devastation that you are trying to shield from everyone you love. You have lost hope, faith, and love because of this setback. It pains me, a lot, but I do not show it.

I know we are afraid. You're not the only one.

If the one who cares ever reads this, it either shows that you have a certain degree of interest in my life, you hate me, you love me, or that you merely care. right? interesting.

going for church camp on wednesday till saturday.
at least i get to go.

'harold and kumar' is just plain hilarious and slightly offensive so view it with caution. watched it on the com with my dad. :D note to impressionable kids, parental guidance is advised, though.

going to watch 'chronicles of narnia' and 'indiana jones' and all the movies that have yet to be released. how i adore movie marathons. i need to adhere to my study schedule soon after. (if i make up an official one) i have a serious need to drive myself to work and i am in awe of those who can actually stick to their computer programmed list and obey every single detail. i am in need for a grand motivator! ):

i will most probably be away from next Wednesday night to Saturday(skipping the first few days of the camp) in line with the church camp. it is not confirmed yet, though. i am looking forward to a few days off the typical hectic lifestyle and spending quality time with like-minded brethen. (:

away with the judging eyes that wander off seeking imperfections, pointing out disabilities and picking out flaws that are merely subjective. why not pick on your very self since you adore living in your own world and exalting some worthless self-proclaimed appointed beauty? i swear i could almost hate you but i remind myself not to, for we have need to love everyone. at least i've tried. notice how friends come and go?

tough nuts are hard to crack but tough nuts are possibly impossible to crack. get it? haha :/ riddles. toodle doodle.

i am a happy little galx in a sad big worldx.

ridiculously ridiculous. don't mind me. read the enlightening post below.

subliminal messages in songs are rampant in the society today, and it is really terrifying that people actually do not realize this fact and they continue listening to a particular song till they get brainwashed. It is not new, and it is definitely not nonsense! i'm sure almost everyone knows or has heard of this particularly famous song. it is played backwards and foward in this website. i listened to it along with my dad twice. the link is as follows:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/stairway

(please do not repeatedly listen to it, you do not wish to become another victim)

even the original lyrics have a distinct meaning and message to it if you can actually decipher it, it is just that people do not regard it as a threat, merely as fellow a human being voicing out his opinions. what they do not know is, bit by bit, the words are engraved in their hearts, ingrained in their minds, taking over their lives. pretty terrifying, is it not? many people might actually think that we're just being fooled into believing that this backward messages are real but that is not true, and the fact remains that such events have existed since before we were born. creepy!

i'm beginning to regard my blog as an avenue for me to enhance my english and literature standard. i'm sorry if i'm starting to bore you. you can stop being a faithful reader, it's your loss anyway. x-O whatevs. everyone loves reading my ever interesting website.

xOxO

I wish i could be over-confident all the time and convince myself that I can have everything I want, everyone I want. I succeed most times, but sometimes, I start to doubt myself. I know that I must eradicate all form of self-doubt, because that is the root to failure, and that is the sole cause of failure.

Everyone says I'm too confident, but that is a front. Usually, people flock to confident and self-assured people, so being sure of yourself is really important! Love yourself, and others will learn to love you. Good, or bad? You shall decide. It is subjective, and you shall make up your mind on your own.

what hate, what love! There is so much of both in the world, usually mixed up and presented as a whole, we don't even know what is real anymore. to each and everyone, Have you ever asked yourself this very simple yet complex question- ‘what is your true self?’ Every smile, every laugh, every frown, every remark you make, you are merely defending your very self and presenting you like as you showcase your masterpiece.

Nothing is real, in that sense.

Or course, that is basic and right in every aspect of the world. You wish to portray this immaculate, perfect, attractive, appealing version of you in front of people you wish to impress. After the novelty dies off, you begin to stop caring as much. Is this not what we experience in our daily lives?

I want to care so much, but even though novelty wears off, there are the remains. I still care a lot, just so much that I can't express, along with the rest of the globe. How far can i ever go? To what extend would I go to realize my dreams? How much am I willing to sacrifice for 'love'? What is love in the first place? A mere chemical reaction.

Wow, and they all make it sound way-too-much complicated and uncomprehensive with buckets of tears and showers of blood, squeals of joy, passionate pain, exuberantly screaming as they slice themselves up and make it sound like a whimsy about a happy-ever-afterlife fairytale.

This is so amusing. I could laugh as I read my own post. It does not really sound coherent.

Perhaps.

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I finished my chinese book. I am pleased.

watched 'what happens in vegas' on Saturday.
awesome movie, minimal sexual references, but that is pretty much it.
almost perfect guy, almost perfect girl, immaculate perfection.
splendid for a hearty laugh.

i went out with THE best guy pal <3(friend) today to 'study' Chinese. (mostly chat-time)
I'm the best motivation anyone can have to start hitting the books because I forced him to read the chinese book I'm working on. Currently, I'm on page 300. 103 more pages to go.
It is no ordinary book, it bears the words of a china-chinese speaking author.
can't stand myself. (: imma such a HOT NERD!
Allister, i swear you are the most awesome best/ hot/ TALL g friend anyone can have! :D
you must be so touched I'm dedicating a fraction of this post to you.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, SERIOUSLY.
we are like the hottest best pals.
NOW, don't say i forced you, liar! :D
i am so fueling your ego, bgp!
i'm the hottest/ nicest/ tallest/ best girl pal! <3

(i shall make him read this.)

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

we had a bi-annual event organized by the church that was held yesterday at west coast park.
being the emo-galx, i decided to wander off by myself for a while, taking in the seemingly ordinary sights of the remains of nature that was left behind. The loneliness struck me and i was overwhelmed with a tidal of emotions. it was pleasant, in a way. Words cannot express my thoughts and feelings! There is a chinese saying- 'fei bi mo suo neng xing rong'. (the china book works!) Actually, i think that is the way it is. sometimes, having time solely to yourself is the cure to your misery. Now, away with the worries, away with the stressful life that drains you of your life fuel! Take time off your busy schedule and actually start caring for yourself. assimilate my behaviour and be an emo-galx/guyx. whatever it is, just give yourself a break from this eternal monotonous cycle.

Kite-flying yesterday was awesome! quality time with friends. (:
A short deserving break.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

puzzle piece!

my father doesn't allow me to join it though they've called. ):
i shall attempt to persuade him.
my opportunity! :/
my birthday is a little too late.
not sure if that affects.
well.

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i did not.
the birthday wasn't a problem, but i have to study for my o's.
my dad strongly discourages it.
the girls will be involved in many events and it will take up a lot of time!
it's alright, my studies are more important.
such a pity, f1 is so cool.
wrong year!

there were about 30 of us who went to nus today to listen to Dion Jordan's motivational talk through the web cam! he is an internationally renowned award-winning speaker and he is well known worldwide. it was really uplifting and so i typed his name on google to find out more. you can do that too. he might have just told us a brief summary of his story, but i am sure there are many details that he eradicated due to constraints.

he was born with feet that were bend sideways, literally 180 degrees, and he stuttered. he was the butt of all jokes because he is a black in an all-white school. no one befriended him because he could not walk and talk properly and because of racial prejudice. he was devastated but his parents were supporting and at the age of 12, they brought him to the doctor who had his legs broken and fixed in the correct way and to correct his speech, he attended classes and he mastered the rudiments of speech in a span of 3 years. he thought positively and he told us that we too, must do that. it is very true, so we should start the positive self talk now! hang out with positive people! negative people put you down, they are not your real friends, or perhaps they are just like that. people leave them after a while because they wallow in self pity and attempt to drag others down with them. they are not people anyone LIKES to hang out with. even if they are around you, they do not really like you. your environment affects you, so make the most out of your most pleasant environment and be careful about the people around you.

many people have the misconception that motivational speakers are just quacks that speak to make a living. they are jealous that such people make tons of money whilst they make peanuts. they may not say it, but it is truth and the fact remains that such speakers are more successful than themselves. if they can succeed, so can you!

i shall be positive and i must work hard to attain my goals. (: many times, we will be driven for a short span of time and the flame gradually dies off, so we have to put in an effort to fuel the flame within our hearts. constantly do things that will fuel your flame and rekindle the spark!

happiness is the key!
think positive thoughts.
BE THE BEST!

the ebony sky glints with a tinge of hope, so wash your face with soap, you dope.

you illegal drug. you, can't decipher me.

can't you help me? can't you release me from this endless trap in this vast domain?
can't you? yes, you can but you can't because you just can't unless you want to.

does anyone fully understand? yes, God.

it rhymes, i don't care what it sounds like.

i have comments that my blog sounds mature, thankfully. i shall attempt to draft it on a lighter note. the internet is not safe. uploaded new pictures. splendid.

The following is another extract from Mabel's blog. the slide show is apparently more impactive because apparently 'what you see is what you get.' and i feel that the slide show make awoke me in a way. if you really want the slide show, get it from me! :D

Check Up

I went to the Lord’ Clinic to have my routine check-up and I confirmed I was ill:

When Jesus took my blood pressure, He saw I was low in tenderness.

When he read my temperature, the thermometer registered 40º of anxiety.

He ran an electrocardiogram and found that I needed several “love bypasses” since my arteries were blocked with loneliness and could not provide for an empty heart.

I went to orthopedics, because I could not walk by my brother’s side and I could not hug my friends, since I had fractured myself when tripping with envy.

He also found I was shortsighted, since I could not see beyond the shortcomings of my brothers and sisters.

When I complained about deafness, the diagnostic was that I had stopped listening to Jesus’ voice talking to me on a daily basis.

For all of that, Jesus gave me a free consultation thanks to his mercifulness, so my pledge is to, once I leave this clinic, only take the natural remedies he prescribed through his words of truth:

Every morning,
take a full glass of gratitude
When getting to work,
take one spoon of peace

Every hour,
take one pill of patience, one cup of brotherhood and one glass of humility

When getting home,
take one dose of love

When getting to bed,
Take two caplets of clear conscience

Do not give in into sadness or desperation for what you are going through today.

God knows how you feel.

God knows exactly and with perfection what is being allowed to happen to you in your life at this precise moment.

God’s purpose for you is simply perfect.

He wants to show you things that only you can understand by living what you are living, and by being in the place you are now.

May God give you.

For every storm, a rainbow,

For every tear, a smile,

For every care, a promise,

And a blessing in each trial.

For every problem life sends,

A faithful friend to share,

For every sigh, a sweet song,

And an answer for each prayer.

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i painstakingly added the colour to create the emotion for the words in an attempt to add life to it. it is said that colours are important in creating the particular mood for a certain occasion. have you ever wondered, why certain fastfood restaurants are doing so well and have outlets in every corner and every inch of the continents on the globe? they know their colours. yes, back to the rudiments. red and yellow are examples of colours that make you happy. red is excitement, yellow represents a state of bliss. of course, when you are in a restaurant like that, you can't help but feel happy too. of course, children, being the young and innocent impressionists, will often fall into this well derived trap and end up patronizing the place for their entire lifetime. isn't that absolutely brilliant? money-making scheme. that is why colours are trademarks of restaurants like this! no one else can snatch this splendid concept. do you realise that whenever you are placed in such an environment, you too are in a state of joy? see how that works.

now place yourself in another fastfood restaurant that has dull, boring theme colours. that effect is gone. yes. you patronise the place perhaps once, twice? it depends. even if you are a frequent customer, you will not experience the analogous state of bliss in this particular outlet.

eating kit kat makes me pleased. the packaging is red and inviting. (:

yes, it is true. i blog about things that are evident in reality and i do not sop about childish romances like ignorant puny typical forsaken teens. i don't care.

also, the clothes that you wear is what you are. yes, this is very true. like it or not, this is YOU. your appearance, yourself.

imagine this scene.

you are alone. you are lost in this very busy city where no one cares about you. you see two strangers in front of you. two men.

man no.1 he is smartly attired in a black suit and a tie, neatly gelled hair, almost gleaming in the sunlight. his sunglasses glints slightly as he moves his head in the other direction. his loafers are almost shining in your face, you can practically see your own reflection in them. smart, perfect.

man no.2 he is dressed sloppily in torn and tattered jeans, those over-priced ones which are too overly worn by common folks. his hair is styled in the typical street gang guy way, dyed a little too yellow, with streaks of white. bad hair job. he strides around as though the world were his enemy.

now, who do YOU want to approach, truthfully. now don't tell me you would go for that man no.2, unless you are some puny little 'lian' thing. imagine they switched roles, people will still approach the better looking one. the same thing goes for girl no.1 and girl no.2. i can't be bothered to make up a story.

get my point? face it, welcome to the superficial world, where all everyone cares about is looks. seriously. even if you are not superior concerning your looks, do make an effort with your face/body/dressing/ATTITUDE/character, etc. be a nice person. i can't stand people who do not care. this shows how pathetic they are. i don't know why anyone bothers to make friends with them. if you do not care about yourself, why should anyone care about you?

stop making excuses! care about YOURSELF. do something about yourself and stop being the loser you are. self-sympathy ain't gonna get you anywhere. you're just drowning in your own sorrows and crying out to yourself. no one cares. face it. so start loving yourself and make an effort and STOP listening to those people who say, love yourself for who you are.

'it is not how good you are, it is how good you want to be' quoted from LM.

people who want you to remain in self agony don't want you to change. change is troublesome. they want you to lag behind while they're miles ahead. head start. yes, life is always changing. they want you to be inferior to them. show them you're different. do it. faithful readers, if your friends are like that, encourage them. I've encouraged my friends that wallow in self pity, but in the end, it is them who can actually help themselves.

Pray to the Lord, he will guide you.

i desperately hope that they will come out of it, but i've tried so many times, i've said so much, but does it help? i really want it to. every failed attempt makes me sink deeper, but i get up again. i do it again, because i care.

sometimes, you think no one cares. true, or true? the truth is, God cares.

most friends will not care but there are some, yes, there will be those that care. how about your family? i've mentioned it in my previous posts before. so break this ice between you and this loved one and build the bond that holds the family together. i believe that there is no eternal hatred, it is just a misconception in everyone's heart and mind that clouts your brows and it makes you unable to see the light within the darkness.

many things do not appear the way it is. people behave a certain way because of a certain something. if you actually take time to get to know them, if you bother enough, you will view them in a different angle and get to know them again. every individual is unique. it is hard to love them though.

how can i help myself?

what a lengthy post that was, did anyone actually read it thoroughly?

i just went for a short run near my home and i got bored of it so i headed home. cooked soup for my family! it's really delicious, so much so that i want to eat/ drink it up all by myself. i could actually package it all up and sell it. (: i took pictures of it for evidence but i can't find the cable to connect it to the computer. watched 'iron man' with them yesterday, it was awesome! the main lead has nice eyes, surprising long lower lashes that paired well with innocent large peepers, cute for a really grown man. we were fascinated with that fact! go catch it if you wish to have a nice laugh, rated pg, suitable for every age, nice red armour, cool tech, etc.

this is general-

the thing about life is you've got to pick up the pieces, no matter what is left behind- scrapes of nothing or a promising future that you anticipate. what a life, what a life of unexpected events that simply blow your mind into interlinked broken pieces? contradicts itself, doesn't it.

it is as though everything were a full circle, but you just can't connect it together and you can't piece the puzzle. once you are able to piece it and fix it as a whole to produce the final picture, you've almost apprehended the true meaning to what this really is.

the thing is, there are many missing pieces that you seek to find so hard, but you'll never find it, even till the end. it is when someone hands you the missing piece that you are able to see it with your own eyes and before that happens, all you can do is put in the substitute pieces by yourself and attempt to see the true picture, though through countless failed attempts you never seem to have it in your hands.

to get the missing piece, you've got to win the person over, and many times, we just let it be and lose everyone we love so dearly or actually think we love so dearly. there are these substitute pieces, meaning other extras in your life whom you use to TRY to replace the ones you care about and it doesn't work out= failed attempt.

does this not sound unfamiliar? are you deceiving yourself? ASK YOURSELF. what have been TRYING to do all this while? you're RUNNING AWAY but you CAN'T HIDE. you can't hide from yourself. EVERYONE has this problem. it is just how you choose to face it? substitutes pieces so do not work out. they are but just nothing and worthless in everyone's eyes. do you want to be a substitute pieces? a fake/ pirated, whatever?

i want something authentic. everyone wants the best. even then, you might not be able to attain it because it might be out of reach after all this time. how badly do you want the missing piece? how far are you willing to go for THAT missing piece of your life? are you willing to forsake all and pursue it?

we say we try, but how hard do we actually try? what is try? it means you will NOT succeed. trying is not anything. you DO IT. even when you've attained your missing puzzle piece, if you do not hold on tight enough and shower it with love, eventually, you will lose it to someone else but you can TRY to get it back but you may not succeed.

life is selfish, and so am i. everyone wants the piece you want. when you've almost got the piece safely and securely in your hands, you take it for granted, you do not treasure it but when you've lost it, you want it back so badly. you dare not fully stretch out your hand to get the piece and take it because you are afraid the person will not give it to you and give it to someone else and turn you down straight in the face and you can't find your pride anymore. you are afraid to face up to reality- good or bad. true, or true?

i want to, but yes I'm afraid, just like you. everyone is afraid, that is why they can't get their missing piece. will the kind soul give me the missing piece of my life? am i a missing piece just like everyone else or am i just a lost piece that is needed no more? maybe I'm just saying out too much but too little because this may be hard to comprehend. maybe I've lost it, or maybe i still have it but i just can't feel that i have it anymore. maybe I've really lost it. maybe you should tell me if it is still there or simple forget it if nothing is there because the truth hurts when you are on the losing end. do you know what i want to say?

damn.

( I've paragraphed it for my DEAR friend who said it was a whole chunk. (: I'm sweet and thoughtful for my dear readers. )

kisses

glittery sparkles at midnight stroke
stunning, captivating as the ice drop broke
shattering into a million, trillion pieces
as the sweet candy-like wind caresses
with feather-light touch, soft lingering kisses

I picked this up at Mabel's blog and I've copied and pasted a fraction of the whole chunk.
It may be simple, but there's still a simple meaning to it that is easy to comprehend.

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box and all your joys in the gold box.'

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings & the black is for you to let go.'

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*I summarized the whole story in the bold letters for people who want to glance through.

Do you feel as though you are encumbered with countless burdens? maybe it is time you let go of something, slowly but surely, you'll rid of the source of your agony and that particular day of hope will dawn on you and you shall be free of secular pains. Pray, seek God. I shall have to do just that.

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when I was done with typing my entire post, i scrolled through it all and i read it to myself. i think i sound like a depressed soul or somewhat like that. gosh! i think it's time i added some colour to my posts! I shall attempt to add life to my future posts and spread the joy. after all, what is life without bliss but then again, what is life without sorrow? this is ironic, but is this not what you get from an eternity of monotonous happenings?

i like my current blogskin because it is dull and unattractive. perhaps i would attempt to beautify it when i actually think it needs a makeover. i added some colours to the story to enhance its appearance.

i was lying in bed the previous night, trying to catch some sleep in time for the last paper today- literature, my fav! the more i tossed, the more i got irritated and many things ran through my mind as i attempted to fall asleep. the more i stressed myself, the more my head hurt and i could take it no more. life is full of perplexity and i was entangled within a tidal of emotions. i decided to think of nothing thoughts. guess what? i fell asleep in the end.

THE END.

moral of the story: decide to think of nothing thoughts
( which is self-deception or running away from reality and shutting off all facts, which is good in a way, ever heard, ignorance is bliss? )

tomorrow's dress code: "dress to impress!"
cool.